The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am just starting with accepting that I need Al-Anon support. I have been married almost 3 years and with my AH for almost 5 years. He is out tonight. His phone is off and I am not anxious. I have no control over his usage or binge. I feel like I can only keep myself and our children safe. I can only pray for him. He has no remorse and acts like I'm dramatic if I mention anything about being out all night or coming home drunk. we are awaiting a court date. He had is 4th DUI in Oct 2008 and is hoping for house arrest instead of jail. I guess I'm hoping court will be his 'bottom' and he'll accept he is an A. Our children are babies and I don't want to have him coming home drunk once a week when they are 'aware' in a few years...I need to work on my co-dependency. I have the one-day at at time book, but I think I want to read the whole book in 3 days not one page! ugh he just called. He's coming home. I pray for safety on the road. I know something's gotta give, but I rationalized everything. I tell my self, he only drinks like this once a week, he makes it home, he goes to work everyday etc. but i know those are just signs of a functional A. I just want to be strong for our kids. I don't...ugh he just called again asking for lemonade...I guess that's enough ramble for now! are there any posts I should read first or other info? thanks!
So glad you've found MIP. If you need to "read ahead" in ODAT, go ahead! Al-Anon is a program for you - your kids, like mine, need at least one sane parent - and we're it. My kids are a little older 10-1/2, 9 and 7, but they're also affected by their dad's disease. We left him 3-1/2 years ago because I couldn't live with active addiction any longer. I have one still awake and have to go check on her - but I wanted to say hello. Keep coming back!
Glad to hear that you have turned to Al-anon for your strength and courage in dealing with your husband who is the A. I lived with an A for 26 years, in those beginning years before Al-anon, I was afraid all the time and at my wits end, as to know what to do about my marriage to this addict. Before Al-anon I thought it was my fault that he drank and that I must be this terrible wife that was failing him.
Boy, did I have a long path before me. Just so happy that you have turned to Al-anon, read, read, as much as possible and try to apply what you learn.
Today, I am divorced from the A, but we are still friends, he has found a type of sobriety. He isnt falling down drunk anymore, he does drink a couple of beers every day, but he is off vodka, which destroyed our marriage, it caused 30,000. in fees and money for a DUI and almost ended is life, many times, not to mention that he is not the same man I new when he was a young man just progressing in this madness. I really was able to see that he was suffering more than I ever could from this disease thats devastating.
We have been apart , this time for 18 months. In the beginning of our separation I really saw how much he was suffering from this horrible disease. I thought before that everything he did was aimed at me to make me miserable. When we were apart, I saw that it wasnt the case at all. I saw that there was nothing, I mean nothing that could stop his compulsion. He was close to death a few times in that year. I could go down the list of his crimes against me, but that wouldn't change anything and its not for me to judge him. I can say that in order for me to retain my dignity and to live a sane life, we had to part ways. That first step is the most important, really trying to understand, " We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable."
I hope that you will continue and not to give up, stick to the program for your sake and your family. Dont make any quick decisions or ones in anger. Take care of your needs and your childrens and learn to detach from the sufferings of the addict. Al-anon will certainly help you with this. Good luck to you on your path of recovery.
Hello Panda and welcome - U said u have the OdAT daily reader , go to page on July 14th read it every day and do what it says to the best of your ability and your life will get better .. talk about insanity 4 DUI s and he dosent have a problem , just bad luck for getting caught I assume , this is a disease and creates crazy thinking but until he says enough -- there is never enough . I hope u are planning on atttending f2f meetings for yourself , this board is great but u need support from people who have been where your at . Your worth the effort do it for your family , our kids deserve one sane parent ... that is the statement that got me to Al-Anon on a reg basis .. I stayed for my kids ..
