Al-Anon Family Group

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hello
Post Info TOPIC: Hello
mom25


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Hello
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This is my 1st post here.  Wasn't sure if I really belonged here, but after doing some reading here, I do.

I have been married to my AH for 21 years, not always too happily because of his drinking.  I have left him twice both within the first 5 yrs.  Only for a few days.

I almost divorced him in 2003 because he had taken his drinking to the extreme.  He had his own business that he ran out of our very large shop.  Well it became the after shop hours bar.  I am telling you, him and just a few buddies would go through cases of beer every nite.  If I wanted to talk to him I had to go to the shop.  I basically raised our 2 children myself, because he was always a drinking with his buddies.  We lost the business, our house everything.  I don't know if it was all because of the beer, or a combination of factors, all I know I quit caring about anything but my kids.

We moved to another state & started over & it was good (not perfect) until about a year ago, when he bought a business.  Slowly but surely it is starting again & I very rarely see him until after 8 at nite & then we don't talk, because no matter what it is about, he wants to argue.  One nite he came home very late & started screaming at my 19 yr old son that his employees were going to quit because of him.  I found out the next day, that it was all fabrications that my AH made up.  He then proceeded to tell me he didn't need me in his life anymore & that I was nothing but a @!$^.  All the while I had not said a word.  But I have now decided I am going to leave him, but its going to have to wait.  My daughter is graduating from high school in May & is going to go to a local college.  I don't want to disrupt graduation plans etc.  I also am not employed, so I have no income but what AH gives me.  I have so far hoarded coins the last month thats amounted to over $100.

My 2 kids know that this is going to happen & are fine with it, except my daughter doesn't want to move from this town, because she has a long time boyfriend here, so she is angry about that.

So I don't know what to do.  I know I don't want to live this way anymore.  I am tired of being lonely, even when he is here, I am tired of being called filthy names, when I am just sitting there not arguing with him & I am tired of being embarrassed by him.  Thats a whole other story from a few months ago.

Thanks for letting me share this. 



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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
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Hi Mom

Welcome to MIP.  I am glad you found us and now you will find you are not alone.

Alanon suggest that we make no major changes in our lives for the first 6 months.  THe reason for this is  so we can start to attend alanon face to face metings and learn some new tools to live our lives with. 

Alanon believes that alcoholism is a disease 

We did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it. 

Since we have been severely affected by this disease,  Alanon tools have been developed to enable us to recover from this experience.

Literature, Meetings, and Sharing are important tools to enable us to change. 

Canadian Guy has an offer of a very special book that will assit you in learning how to recover.  The Sticky is at the top of the Board entitled:
  Offer of Free Book

Face to face alanon meetings can be found by looking in the white pages of your telephone directory. 

On Line Meetings  are held here 2xs a day and there is a Chat room available 24/7.

Please keep coming back here posting and sharing your recovery.


 

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13696
Date:
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Aloha Mom...Hotrod gave you a very good introduction to the family groups and I
just want to add that while you are now so very upset try not to project into the
future some form of nuclear explosion.  It's too early yet.  We take life only one
day at a time and we try to always do that with the program and especially a
Power Greater than ourselves (a personal understanding of a God).  So while we
have worn your shoes and walked on the same eggshells many of us have also
entered the Al-Anon Family Groups and learned how to live life in a very very
different way and found serenity whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not or
whether we are still with that or a different one or one at all.

Keep coming back here...more members are coming by to give you support and
unconditional love.   (((((hugs))))) smile

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pineapple


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 844
Date:
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(((mom25))) Hi, and welcome. I don't have much to add to what hotrod and Jerry said except to repeat that you are not alone. That by itself was a huge relief to me when I first found this place. You don't know what to do because living with an alcoholic can be simply overwhelming sometimes. You say ¨I know I don't want to live this way anymore. ¨ Congratulations, that's a first step in the right direction! Go to meetings if you can. If you can't get to face to face meetings I recommend the online meetings here. Come here and read the posts. There is so much to be learned from others' experiences. And there is so much love and support here whenever you need it. Keep coming back-.

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