The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Short intro, I had a flirtation with Al-Anon 2 years ago when I was having trouble dealing with others bad habits. Turns out i felt that I had some of my own. Too immature. I didn't know myself. Then I hit a spiral that involved a guy who i thought I loved...and a best friend who dumped her fiance and took the boy from me! So thus began my hiatus as well as my rediscovery of my strength. It was a long road.
Fast forward to last May 28th. I find out I am pregnant. The best thing to EVER happen to me. Finally a reason to grow up! My bf at the time was and is a huge boozer. When I discovered he lied to me about being sick and ditched my dad, my step mother and myself for dinner(the first one where he was to meet them no less) to go drinking at his friends cabin, after a series of ditch efforts and my driving him and his drunk friends around I broke it off. And for so many other reasons, but I'll stay on topic.
I was liberated, I walked away from him while he still had his beer in his hand and I cried, but knew it was for the best. Besides, he'd already had plans to go drinking with a friend, now I'd just given him a reason.
I now have my beautiful daughter, so precious. All the more because she was born 12 weeks early and we both nearly lost our lives. We made it, and now I just cannot fathom being that girl I was last year, or the one that accepted others bad habits because those habits are going to influence my daughter one day and I need to be at peace with them before I can fend her away from them.
the original reason I ever went to Al-Anon though still haunts me. They are my parents. All of them but one, who is my dad and only quit because he has diabeties, and his wife drinks all of the extra money anyway. Ah my step mother....well the latest that sent me over the edge was her um....performance after winning 500 dollars on the slots....she flashed the bar. She also was very drunk and pealed off a string of profanities to a mutual friend of mine and my exes. Did I mention that I am gearing up for a custody battle with the ex and we live in a very small town? Oh and that she comes to my house hung over wanting to hold my daughter and I have to remind her that no you are still impared and it's not going to happen? I'm at the point where I do not answer her calls and am completely disgusted with her and her lack of concern for her familys reputation especially mine and the risks that could have been involved, had I been so foolish as to ever give her more access to my daughter. Which will not happen.
Then there are my mom and her hubby, who are a bit more tricky. He works away and when he comes home they drink, in a couple to a few days they will drink a 40. Or more. Usually more. Not as often as she used to, my mom will drink alone. Or with me watching her. they do not see it, they drink with my daughter in the house after we have had lengthy conversations about my step mother and her ways, but then sit and drink and drink and drink. Admittedly it's not so bad now that my daughter is home from the hospital after her 97 day stay, but it's still prominent.
It's heavy on my mind, and it really bothers me.
I feel that I need to get over it all, and move on. But how do I trust that this family can really and truly help me with my daughter when they can't even help themselves? I was actually at my mothers one night and was pumping and came out of my room only to see that my mother had a drink(the first) in her hand!!!!!!! I nearly LOST it, but my mothers done so much for me that I didn't know what to do, I just took my daughter and went to bed. I am still livid.
Sorry about the rant, but I just can't even get to a meeting because I have no one to look after my daughter while I go! So here I am, just venting and trying to read my books daily and trying to contact the local people I was in touch with 2 years ago.
Thanks for listening if you got this far thank you!
Welcome, Steph, you have come to the right place. You have a lot going on and people on these boards will have a lot of support for you.
I will wait for the wisdom of others, but I wanted to say that in many places several Al-Anon meetings have childcare, so you can take your daughter with you. Call the central Al-Anon number for your town and ask about it. Face-to-face support can be so helpful. Keep coming back to these boards, too.
OH MY....so it's 530 AM......my mom and her hubby had a half a 40 tonight/this morning. the parents just went to bed and my mother is vomiting.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS....I CANNOT BELIVE THEY GOT LIKE THIS WITH MY DAUGHTER MY INFANT SICKLY DAUGTHER IN THE HOUSE.
What if she stopped breathing? The whole reason I am even staying here is because my daughter is off of her breathing medication and may STOP BREATHING at anytime.
Welcome. I am glad u and ur daughter survived, that's a miracle. Ive had life and death miracles in my life too.
I found this site 4.5 yrs ago and havent left. I post and go to the chat room daily to talk with others and the online meetings. Yes! We ahve two a day and u dont have to get dressed or fuel up - for me I liked the online ones bc in person I fidgit, cry, squirm, and when I opne up and be brutally honest - I cant see ur face looking all "poor her" when I talk about some of the bigger problems/issues in my life. So I love it and work on my program diligently, consciously every single day right here.
I'm glad u found us, here are the mtg hours in chat:
Meeting schedule: Monday-Friday...9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10am, 9pm EST(newcomers)and 9pm EST, Sunday: 10am and 7pm EST. _____ UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.
You have to focus on YOU. A's dont think they ahve a problem, they are in denial. If we are more concerned about their habits in they are - we are feeding the disease and enabling. If u focus on them and not YOU - that is enabling the disase bc you lose yourself in them. Learn to detach with love from what they are or are not doing and figure out what u can do ~ for YOU one day (one minute) at atime. Thanks to program and HP - that is how I changed my entire life and u can do it to, if you want to. First things first, focus on YOU and think about boundaries. It's been a life saver. Know that u are not alone. The book that helped me the most with my alnaon (bc I grew up int he dysfunction (acoa)) is called: 12 steps for adult children. It helped me untangle my twisted feelings and get into the core of my issues.Congrats on ur new life and sweet baby! Keep coming back and applying program to your life ~ it works!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Please start attending our meetings here online if you can't get to a face to face. Clearly you cannot trust any of your family to care for your daughter in your absense I see you feel indebited to them for giving you a place to stay but at this point thats all they are giving. A's are too self involved to give emotionally or act in a rational way Do what you need to to protect your miracle child and yourself.
Aloha Better Life...and welcome home. You're back in family again try not to leave for a while. I learned that alcoholics are not bad people...they are sick people and suffer from an often fatal disease and that the fatality often touches others first. This is the very most cunning, powerful and baffling disease in my life and I totally respect it. Your parents and the other alcoholics in your life are terminally sick (if they don't get help to recover...and still then...).
It sounds like you have some thinking and perception skills still or returned. How do you trust them? Like you trust anyone who has an addiction to alcohol and/or any other mind altering mood altering chemical which is the highest priority in their lives. They drink first and the other priorities swim thru the filter of the alcohol and come out crooked. Emotional reactions need to be second to clear responses to the situation. Get emotional later and do the program thinking first. It would be good to have a meeting and sponsor to do the thinking and responses (experiences) with you. I pray that happens.
The original reason you went to Al-Anon are still the original reason and still there. Everyone else is secondary and so I came to understand that I was at the tap root of this disease in my life and needed to find a way (metaphoricallly) to be grafted onto a better more healthier tree and therefore Al-Anon. You are back at where it started and you are different. Continue nurturing the difference the recovery, the health. Which ever way you can do it...come nearer the center of the rooms of recovery. Bring your daughter when you can and when you can't come to the board and the chat room meetings. You are not alone we are in support of each other and have lots of room for you and your daughter. (((((hugs)))))
