Hello All I'm new to this. - Al-Anon Family Group

FreudinSlip · Newbie

Hello All I'm new to this.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

HI FS Welcome to MIP

I know that starting meetings can be confusing. Beginners meetings usually focus on topics that would address all your questions. You are free to attend any meeting that you feel comfortable attending. Sponsers are suggested so that a new person will have a guide to understand the program

There is a Sticky at the top of this Board that answers most of your questions. Here is the link FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Good Luck
Welcome Home

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha FnS and welcome to the MIP board.   This is probably as gentle a beginning to
the Program as you're gonna get. Most here are members of the program and
some are not...all are welcome. There are no hard and fast rules to the face to
face meetings other than we still to Al-Anon literature and philosophy which will take
you just a bit to get the hang of. It might sound something like a code but really
it isn't. Al-Anon's language is very kind, gentle and loving and inviting. Most
meetings are open and so all are welcomed even the seekers. We don't make
others do anything and after we learn ourselves we offer suggestions which worked
for us most of the time that is as successful as growth gets. You don't have to
go to so many beginners meetings before being "qualified" for the others. Go to
the others and go with as open a mind as you can muster. If it is a subject meeting
listen to the others share and if you find the need share yourself on that subject.
I was very confused when I first got into the program for many many reasons and
not any of them having to do with the program. I was the problem and was married
to a active alcoholic while not knowing what alcoholism was or what an alcoholic was.
I had a lot of denial about much of all of it so I needed to sit, listen, learn, ask,
and then practice, practice, practice.

I was born and raised within the disease. My relationships came from with addicted
people. I found later in time that I also am alcoholic and stopped drinking just
before coming into Al-Anon. My major problem was trying to manage, manipulate
and control addicted others and not paying attention to what not managing my
own life was turning out to be.

So for now be new. Easy does it and one step and day at a time. Go to as many
meetings as you can within the next 90 days (what I did) and see if the program
fits for you. It isn't the only solution...some people stay in counseling for years
and pay tons of bucks to get what we get for free.   Be grateful your counselor
gave you the hint.

A sponsor is a guide and some of them are magic and angels at the very same
time. I've had what I think is the best of the best for which I am extreemly
grateful.   Take your time looking for one if that is how you do things. Use the
group as a sponsor if you like until you are ready and then you might do what
I did...look for a member with time in recovery who has something you don't and
would like to have (patience, understanding, compassion, etc.) and then ask. If
they say no...go find someone else with the same plan and ask until one says
yes and then ask...."Where do I start this thing called the program?" You're on
your way.   Keep coming back here also because MIP family members are awesome.

(((((hugs))))) smile

ythannah · Senior Member

You might get a better handle on the "jargon" by reading some of the AlAnon literature. I know I got a package with some leaflets at my first meeting. But I was lucky in that I had known AA members for many years, and was already pretty familiar with most of the terminology and slogans.

Even better would be to read one of the books specifically about AlAnon. I'm diving into How Al Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics now to get a deeper understanding of the program.

Sometimes a particular group just isn't a good fit, for whatever reason. Again I lucked out -- the first group I chose to attend (simply because it is closest to home), I felt so welcomed and comfortable that I kept going back to that one.

Rocky38 · Senior Member

Welcome!

Not much else to offer except some of the differences between a Beginners meeting versus a regular meeting. By definition, the Beginners meeting is mainly for those new to the program. My Beginners meeting was a bit less structured than my current regular meeting. Often people who are still suffering the acute effects if alcoholism in their life attend and have a lot of pent up pain to share. There was more of a focus on the first 3 steps (versus 12 steps) and attendees could also directly respond to a beginners sharing. In a regular meeting, this would be considered "cross talk". Generally cross talk is not encouraged in the regular meetings to ensure we are truly listening to each other, instead of waiting to talk. It also helps us keep our sharing to our own experience, strength and hope instead of evaluating others. In beginners meetings, there is an understanding that gentle feedback or encouragement in the form of "crosstalk" may not only be OK, but very much needed by the newcomer who has been on their own with the effects of the disease for some time.

This is purely my own observation, others may have a different view, but wanted to share in case it helps.

Good luck! rocky

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome , your not alone when I first got here I thought they were speaking a foriegn language not much made any sence to me at all . keep going and just listen it will all become clear the longer u go .
Yes u are welcome at any meeting , beginners are great if large groups are intimidating and they focus on the first 3 steps usually , other meetings are posibly topic meetings which might make more sence to you . try a few of them and keep going .
In our meeting s we keep the focus on ourslves and not the alcoholic ,and a sponsor is a guide someone who has been in program for awhile and has worked the steps ... they make this alot easier , someone to ask questions in private etc . take your time and when u find someone ucan relate to ... ask .
no time limit .
Again welcome and keep going , this program will change yor life for the better.

roygbiv · Senior Member

FreudinSlip wrote:

Hello All,

I'm new to this. My therapist suggested I check out Al-anon meetings or ACOA meetings. I found an al-anon meeting in my area, I've gone a couple of times, but I'm a bit lost.

I mostly just sit in the back and listen because I don't really get what is going on, some things that people say I can relate to. But mostly when people share it seems really vague, or like a code of talk I am not previledged to.

A few questions, what is and isn't appropriate at these meetings to talk about? I know the anonymity rule, that I'm totally down with. But what are some of the other etiquette's?

Why do people in Al-anon have sponsors? Do I have to have one? Can I coast for a while without one?

If I've only been to two beginners meetings, can I go to a regular meeting? What is the difference? Do I need to be invited to a regular meeting?

So some tips on how to navigate it would be really helpful.

Thanks

FS

Please forgive this paragraph. Needs editing.

I hate that feeling of being out of control (heh heh) and I didn't recognize that it's part of my thing. I didn't think I was a person who needed to be in control although Alanon people without a program are known for being uber-controlling, I'm not a controlling person. Not knowing what's going on and feeling panicky about that is part of my controlling issue. Being blotted out with alcohol is a feeling I couldn't stand - I need to know what's going on around me. So, yes, I am not as controlling as other people I've met (I don't put my spices in alphabetical order lol) but I noticed after a long time that not being able to trust (what if I got a bossy sponsor?? Or got the worst person in the room as a sponsor??), that it was still a sign that I needed to be in control.

Anyhoo, in the beginning, I got my hands on all the literature and read everything I could every day. At our Alanon meeting we had 3 laundry baskets full of AA and Alanon cd's and I listened to all of them. I had to wrap my head around this. I was desperate to understand this asap.

That can be good or bad. Maybe you shouldn't "coast" and just jump right in, ask in the next meeting for a sponsor and barrel through the Steps like we're "supposed" to do.

They don't "coast" in AA. But Alanoners "coast" - sometimes for years.

Just reading the blue Alanon book will help. Reading all the brochures in the beginner's welcome packet is good too. Some of my favorite reading came from those brochures - they explained A LOT!

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome and was nice to meet you in the meeting last nite
I can't add much more than the ESH ( experience, strenght and hope) that has already been given above.
I can tell you it really does seem daunting at first ... people are talking about things you've never heard of or using jargon... that will all come with time no worries there
As far as a sponsor as you start working the steps i would say yes you need one by the time you get to step 4. It took me 10 months to get thru step 1 ( i fought that one to the death lol and in reality i must work steps 1 thru 3 each day)
I don't have any face to face meetings in my area so online meetings are it for me.
But I can asuure you that you have found a great place of healing, love and support. I truly can say I owe my life and sanity to Alanon.
We may all not always agree on things but we support whatever decision another makes.
We also have a bit of fun in the chat room... it's a good place not only to talk program but you will actually find yourself laughing and joking. And for me before Alanon I hadn't laughed in a very long time.
Okay I'm just rambling now
Again welcome and I look forward to seeing you in meetings and chat and getting to know you

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.