The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Warning this is totally a pity post. Today I am feeling so blue, my emotions are just so raw. I am full of why's. Like why is the man I love an alcoholic, why is my dad an A, why is my brother an A, why is alcohol such an issue with my mother, why is every family function a booze fest, why do I seem to be the only one in my whole family who knows that it is wrong to drink and drive, why are my children constantly exposed to the effects of alcohol. I want so much more for my family, I don't want my children growing up with memories of Grandpa getting drunk and swearing over and over again, or watching their great Aunt fall down the stairs because she was so drunk or watching my Aunt and Uncle drive off after polishing off several bottles of wine. I want my children to know and love their family, but they can't if I choose to stop exposing them to the effects of alcohol. Why can't I have the marriage I dream of, a loving supportive husband who would do anything for his family? I know here no one can answer any of these whys for me, but today, this is how I am feeling. I am feeling so alone and no one to share with, no one to support me. I know I need to build myself a support system, and will start going to meeting once my children are off spring break. Just right now I have no one, and as I start my recovery, it seems my husbands drinking is just getting worse. I know here, I'm sure others have had similar days. I will now get off of my pity pot and go try to enjoy the beauty that is this day.
Why? Cunning, Powerful and Baffling! I'm so sorry the disease of alcoholism has such a strong grip in your family. You are not alone, even if you can't get to meetings. You are surrounded by supporters on this board. And every minute of every day, your HP is right by your side to help you through the challenges.
I guess the only thing we can do when surrounded by it, is rise above it. I believe that if you work the twelve steps of alanon, you can rise above it. The alcoholics in your life may or may not find their own recovery, but you can show a different way of living to your kids. I once hoped that my time in the program would help my AH stop drinking. It did not. But it has helped me be proud of who I was to him, and who I am now to those around me, including my son.
Please keep coming back to vent, to learn, to be among friends.
Don't worry about the pity pot. There are many days I might ask you to move over so I can join you. LOL. Your feelings are normal and justified. Like it states in the opening to Al-Anon meetings----"Living with a alcoholic is to much for most of us". It sounds to me that you are not only living with an alcoholic, your living with a "stable" of alcoholics, enough to drive anyone insane. It's hard to get sane and stay sane living in their craziness, and dealing with all their junk at the same time.
Wishing they would be different---- not going to happen. Wanting them to change---not going to happen. Why can't I have the marriage I dream of ?---The answers to all three are simple--------The disease of alcoholism. Now think about the serenity prayer (repeat it real slow)---- "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (pause) the courage to change the things I can (pause) and the wisdom to know the difference".
Considering how bad you are out numbered-----I think you are doing a wonderful job. Keep falling back on the program and HP-------And keep taking care of yourself first----Everything else will take care of itself.
HUGS----and I hope your party is over soon!!
RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 13th of March 2010 05:51:23 PM
I asked why's and what if's for a long time. All it does is keep you stuck, feeling the pain and keeping it alive. I hope u did enjoy the beautiful day! And do something for you, to distract you or allow you to feel better. Focusing on the disease, feeds the disease. We focus on them and lose ourselves. And what we focus on grows and manifests the future. Focus on YOU, program and whatver will allow you to feel better and be empowered.
Setting boundaries and practising detachment ~ changed my life. So did loving me first and making me my own first priority. No one else was going to do it, I had to step up and honor the life HP gave me. Focus on you, love you and work the program. Kids want structure. They will emulate the healthier parent.
Wishing, hoping, wanting, day dreaming wont change any thing - but you can change something right now ~ and that is self empowering!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Oh boy do I understand the "whys". You know what . . . there were ones that even applied to me! Why do I tolerate . . . Why do I stay. . .
Those are the only ones I was able to answer. As long as I kept focusing on the why's for others - I stayed in an equation that had no answer. I stayed on the hamster wheel. Looking back I had to stay there until I was ready to get off and that is just fine. These things take time.
When I got a sponsor and started working the steps it took an abrupt turn. Now I was too busy doing the work to focus on anyone but myself. During this process I got to answer the why's about myself and found that finding those answers was not easy and some are still not answered. If it is that tough for myself - chances are pretty darned good that I will never find those answers about someone else and chances are they might not either. I had to learn to just let it go.
It is what it is. It is unfortunate. I think your plan to spare your children is a good one. There are bad days. It happens. Stay on that pot as long as you need - but not so long it gets comfortable.
tlc
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
