The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think the hardest part of everything I am dealing with is being the counselor who helps everyone else. Perhaps a codependency issue. The knowledge has always been there... but has it transcended out of my head to my heart?
I need help. I need the wisdom, strength and support of others. I have done this loner journey for too long. I am the know-all, end-all, and expert. HA.
I love an alcoholic...the third in a string.
I am in pain.
I want serenity, but I don't need to pray (?!). I know how to fix it.
I want peace, perhaps I should numb, too?
Grant me the serenity... does He exist?
__________________
Shari
...to accept the things I can not change does not mean to change the things I can not accept...
I am powerless over many things in my life not only addiction. I use step one two and three for many different things. I am powerless over my feelings and my life is unmanagable. Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves that could restore us to sanity. Made a decision to turn our lives and will over to the care of God as I understand him. Whewwww..........nice to know I can if I choose turn even my feelings over to restore my sanity...... Im still in shock to find out im not god :) even in the face of repeated evidence. I continue to work on not mistaking my voice for the voice of God..:)
I can so relate to this share. My A is in pain because he struggles against his addiction to alcohol. I am in pain because I struggle against my addiction to fix everything. I too have had other addicts as partners my addiction draws me to them. All my chilhood my friends were the kids with troubled homes. I wanted to be the nice person who made it better. Since coming into al anon I now realise although coming from a good place my good trait progressed into an addiction and progressed to trying to control others in order to fix their lives so they would love me be the person I wanted be grateful. This has been scary looking in the mirror. I am still learning about myself every day and intend to stay on this road of self dicovery. When ever I work my programme and think this is not my problem. When I say the serenity prayer and admit I can not change everything and truly hand it over my pain stops and is replaced by serenity. However I have grown sicker and sicker over time so it is going to take time to get better. I am a work in progress.
thank you for your post it has helped me to come back to reality once again
hugs
-- Edited by Tracy on Saturday 13th of March 2010 10:44:16 AM
So many of us that find Al-Anon, both professionals and non-professionals are "experts" at helping others deal with their stuff. But were seemingly powerless over our own.
I fit that bill perfectly!
Getting myself to Al-Anon meetings and working those 12 steps is teaching me about dealing with me.
I still have more to learn, but I am seeing tons of progress!
If you are telling yourself, that you are no longer a good counselor, its a lie. Don't believe it. All day long, the disease tries to make me doubt myself, telling me Im a worthless piece of crap.
Rock bottom felt like a defeat at first, however, the program taught me that it is HP's will for me to rely on a power greater than myself, and that it is safe to do so. What I had been doing was no longer working, I could now see that. I was so broken. For me, rock bottom was an INVITATION from my HP to have a relationship together. Like you, the knowledge was in my head... my experience is, there's a long distance between my head to my heart.
I am so glad you are here. You never have to do this alone again. This worldwide fellowship is made up of all levels of care-taking professionals, and the invitation is the same for all. (((hugs)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Saturday 13th of March 2010 10:50:50 AM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Hello and welcome , your not the first councelor to end up in our program and you won't be the last . I am sure your great at your job , but as u are finding out living with it is a whole new ball game ... Welcome to Al-Anon . Because of your proffession u may find it difficult to attend meetings in your imediate area , try and find one a few miles away you may feel more comfortable there , learning to trust the anonymity that is so important in recovery takes time but faith in the program comes slowly-- everyone else in the room is there for the same reason you are they love an alcoholic ,it is a safe place to share your fears , your hopes and dreams . There is always hope .. Louise Oh and YES == HE does exist .
-- Edited by abbyal on Saturday 13th of March 2010 03:49:18 PM
The arms are what I needed. I have been brought to tears and to my knees, a very rare occurence for this prickly pear. More that you all know, I appreciate your support....
I will remember the serenity prayer. Expect to see me again. No more loner journey.
Thank you.
__________________
Shari
...to accept the things I can not change does not mean to change the things I can not accept...
Aloha ((((Prickly Pear))))... I am a former Behavioral Health Therapist who practiced within a large alcoholism and substance abuse program in Central California. I wasn't very well appreciated by the client and adored by the family. My substance abuse clients were more attached to their drinking and using than they were with me and rate of relapse was industry high. Their family members however had a higher percentage score for recovery because they were more responsible to the program designed for them to practice. It was also the program I practiced as I cannot and don't suggest a recovery I am not experienced in myself. All of the participants were held responsible for thier own outcomes and if what was offered wasn't working it was because it wasn't being worked.
Can a counselor be had by this disease? Of course!! this disease doesn't care who you are, what you are and what you do. In face in the case of the alcoholic and addict if you come with an attitude and arrogance it takes more joy from taking you down that much better.
You know the Serentiy Prayer. The courage to change is that part of the prayer most difficult to do and for me it takes, trust, faith, love and promptness with a few more assets. I gotta do something rather than think something.
All of what I do today in recovery came from others and most of those others are in the Al-Anon Program, AA and MIP.
I hope you stick around and follow what is being suggested. You don't have to go thru what you are going thru...there are alternatives. (((((hugs)))))
