Hi MIP family,

Just a quick update on how I'm doing. Not great, not terrible.

I'm mostly numb. I heard this is a part of grief. The terrible flashbacks are less frequent, but so too are meaningful and comforting memories of my AH. I remembered I had saved all his letters from rehab, so I read them tonight.

I can hear his voice as I read them. They remind me of the love we shared. They also remind me of how sick my AH was underneath even the drinking. He suffered terrible depression, very low self esteem. It was so clear from his letters. He talked about darkness, and not being able to see the light. He also had times of hope and optimism, but it was hard for him to hold on to it. Throughout it all, he spoke of his love for me and our son. I never doubted it, although I sometimes wondered if love was enough.

I miss him terribly. I know HP is with him. Still miss him though.

Love to all, Rocky