He's an Alcoholic and Out of control - Al-Anon Family Group

SoSweet · Newbie

He's an Alcoholic and Out of control

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha SoSweet...You have my prayers and concerns. Alcoholism is a fatal disease
and so often that doesn't mean it is fatal only to the alcoholic and also to people
in contact with the alcoholic. If you see it accelerating toward physical abuse let
him know in advance that you will call for help when you think you need it. Its
best done when he is not drinking, Have a plan for your own safety and hold to
it. The program of the Al-Anon Family Groups and other alternative to violence
programs suggest having another set of car keys and a stash of funds and the
plan just in case. I've worked in ATV and from my experience there is not second
guessing about what to do. If your frightened and you can flee? flee. If you
cannot flee? 911 or more as necessary. No guilt or shame...you are responsible
for your own peace of mind, serenity and safety.

If you are attending Al-Anon get phone numbers of those willing to support your
recovery and safety.

(((((hugs))))) smile

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome So Sweet

I am so sorry to hear you are in a troubled situation. In alanon we do not give advise and only suggest our program It has helped many find serenity and peace in a alcoholic situation.It is important to know that you are powerless over alcohol. We come to alanon to learn to focus on ourselves. Live one day at a time, brake the isolation and learn to deal with the truth with courage and wisdom.

We do this by attending face to face meetings in our communities.

Help with finding local meetings near where you live may be found at the following web site: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html Or call: 1-888-4alanon

Online meetings are held in the Al-Anon chat room associated with this site.

From the board click on Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat Room in the yellow box in upper left of the page. After clicking on the link please be patient, sometimes it takes a while for the window to open.

We have a great deal of literature at these meetings which will help you to understand and give you tools to deal. There is also an offer of a free book at the top of the Message Board. The book is an excellent tool

.If you are in a dangerous situation please note

A. In the book, How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics there is a section entitled A Special Word to Anyone Confronted with Violence (Preface ix) please consult this. We in Al-Anon do not give advice, but realize the importance of not accepting violence or dangerous situations, which may cause harm to our children or us. If you are in a situation like this please do not hesitate to call the police or having some kind of plan to protect yourself.

The following are some numbers that may help:

Battered Women's Justice Project: 1-800-903-0111.
National Organization for Victims Assistance: 1-800-879-6682
National Resource Center for Domestic Violence: 1-800-537-2238
US Domestic Violence Hotline/ General Information: 1-800-799-7233

Please come back here, we have online meetings 2 times a day and 24 hour chat. In addition you can always share by posting.

There is hope and help

-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 12th of March 2010 07:46:42 PM

Suzi1965 · Veteran Member

Hi and welcome! Im so glad you found us here. I will say prayers for you but there are other things you can do. I thought much the same as you, then I started regularly attending meetings (we have 2 a day on this website) and reading alanon literature. I learned although I cant control what my husband does, I can control what I choose to put up with. I started making boundries, the first being that when my husband became angry and abusive I left and didnt return till I was sure he was in bed sleeping it off or the next morning. Im not saying this is what you should do, Im just saying there are choices. Please keep coming back and learn, as I have, what they are.

miss lucy · Senior Member

hi Sosweet. so sorry to read your situation. as the other posters have mentioned we do not give advice - you have to learn via the programme how to trust your HP, learn to take care of yourself and allow your A to become responsible for his illness and actions. through the programme we also learn how to put our boundaries in place and make sure they work for us. each one of us is different. we all have different natures, different tolerance levels, different beliefs. what works for one of us may not work for you but the programme is designed to give you the tools to aid your own recovery from this and to help you take back control of your own life. attend as many f2f meetings, online meetings as you can and post here as often as you like or need to.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome -- and I beg to differ you do have a choice . No one has the right to push u around , drunk is no excuse for unexceptable behavior . I would suggest the next time he gets physical tell him to knock it off or u will call the police == then do it . there was no mention in my wedding vows that I was to be the punching bag for his problem , alcoholism is progressive it only gets worse .. take care of you.
Please find meetings for yourself u need support from people who understand exactly how u feel and who have been where your at . u will find them in Al-Anon rooms .

someone has provided u a link to our web site , I would like to suggest u click on the entry that says steps , u will hear audio sharrings on steps one two and three they will help u get started in recovery. goodluck Louise

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.