The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am currently attending college to become a certified alcohol and drug counselor. These are some of the things I have learned.
1. We did an exercise in class where people stood in a circle and they were given a label on the inside on their sleeves, and a label on the outside on their backs. My label was "star football player who works hard to do his best." We had another group of people come in and they were supposed to make comments on the label on our backs. We were not allowed to see the label on our backs. The comments were really nasty, and mean. The professor said when the exercise was over that the people in the circle were the clients and the people making the comments were the counselors. We were blown away. My label on the outside said "rageaholic/violent man." My point is this. How many times have we made a judgment about someone without all the facts. In this program we are supposed to be welcoming people and giving them our experience,strength, and hope, yet we judge them by their actions, language, etc., without all the facts. Are we being helpful to them with these judgments? How many alcoholics have we deemed "useless" just because they carry the label "alcoholic?"
2. We did an exercise where we had to write a letter to our fathers. I wrote mine and realized how angry I was at mine. I also realized how many expectations I had of him being someone he was not. I wish we had a different relationship, but at this point in time I am willing to accept him as he is, because he is the only father I have, and I love him.
Why am I sharing this? Because it's not that far from Al-Anon principles. Principles above personalities. If we name call, or admonish someone without all the facts, who are we helping? Are we practicing good program, or good anger and resentment? We aren't perfect, but hopefully we are recovering. Hopefully we are becoming aware, accepting who we are, and working the steps to change our actions. And the most important thing, hopefully we have a Higher Power, in whatever form.
Thanks for letting me share, SenoraBob
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Higher Power doesn't always wrap presents in pretty paper.
Hola, bob. Interesting exercise you did. Sounds like an excellent class. One of the things that is so great about MIP is that I haven't seen anyone judging anybody else here. Just ESH, empathy, support, and love. All the important stuff. Thanks for sharing. I bet you're going to be a wonderful counselor.
i'll second that thought! this is one of the safest forums i have come across for sharing my inner most thoughts and fears - i trust it - i would hate for that trust to be ruined by some small minded, critical person who didnt "get" the reason we are all here. good luck with the course - we need kind, caring, thoughtful, unbiased councellors out there - you will be great!
Aloha Bob (Hola mixed up missing an A...wha?) Certified Substance Abuse Counselor Hmmmm been there and took my powerlessness with me along with my experience as one born and raised in the disease up to and including being one. God if you can participate in insanity and have fun at the same time you will do well.
I found that mercy, grace and unconditional love for the client, staff and the family were the best tools in my God box which was always carried by my HP...God of course. The best prayer for me to say often was the one at the end of the "Just for Today" pamphlet which starts off "Lord make me an instrument...". I am just an instrument...something to be used and then let go of. A reminder for me was always to be able to let go of it all and keep it turned over.
When I let my sponsor know that I was becoming a Behavioral Health Therapist in a major recovery program in town he replied, "Just remember that you can never sell a 12th step." He lined me up perfectly and the rest was successful.
Keep your program fresh because once you get them all together in the room you gotta remember that they also have you there too.
Good luck...carry on...Do the very best with what you got and always...Turn it over.
I do belive that the exercises you described were very beneficial in pointing out how we, who have lived with the disease of alcoholism, without the benefit of alanon, often treat the alcoholic and other family members.
I believe from the moment I entered an alanon room I was struck by the acceptance and non judgemental attitude that I found. The closing of all my meetings stresses "let there be no gossip or criticism among you". The steps, the slogans , all pointed me toward developing this great treasure of , acceptance, non judgemental , loving compassion.
I am truly grateful for alanon and this board.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 7th of March 2010 09:46:08 PM
Very intersesting post Bob I truly enjoyed it My experience growing up with A's and now having an A son is that they don't need anyone else telling them how usless they are or making them feel as if they are so damaged they are deemed unloveable. Unfortunatly i didn't learn that lesson until my own son got caught up in this disease and in the beginning treated him badly until i realized he was already full of self loathing and certainly didn't need me to reinforce that in him. God bless you on your journey to be an addiction counslor I actually have been looking into that field myself ( even at my ripe old age). After entering alanon I would truly love to be part of the experience of helping others in thier recovery Blessings to you
I admire your ability to accept your father as he is. I was never able to get there to a point of love with my now long dead father. I got to a point where I didn't hate him but he was never able to be a father to me on any level beyond very very basic. For me acceptance of their illness came after a great deal of grieving and acceptance that they were indeed not capable of anything remotely healthy.
Thanks for sharing. One of the replies given to your post helped to remind me that trying to control others is kinda like herding cats. Thanks for the great visual.
First, I am sorry Pineapple but you got me giggling mercilessly. I think Jerry understood the "Hola" statement perfectly but was offering his own which is the same letters as Bob's - just "without the 'A'" .... I think he was making a funny (without the alcoholic).
Anyway...
My thoughts on this. Wonderful excercises and thank you for sharing. One thing I need to keep in mind is that when newcomers first come here they are hurt, angry, sometimes betrayed or worse. We need to be a safe place for them to come and vent that anger. Slowly but surely we take their hands and walk with them as they learn self care and compassion for their A's. As a newcomer I came here and vented all my venom and it was a necessary part of my recovery. I needed to get that stuff out of my system.
I have to agree with Pineapple. I think those of us here with even the smallest of experience try to reach behind and grab those just entering with love and respect for them and their A's. We teach by example. We understand their frustration and let them vent. We cradle them while they cry because we DO understand. And when their tears dry we give them the hope we have received from the program.
Wonderful reminder Bob. Thank you. Good luck in your endeavor to reach out to those suffering. It is inspiring.
tlc
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
