The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There was a great share in the meeting this morning about denial - the person who shared had an interesting perspective. She shared that she was in denial that her HP wants to be with her, wants to love her and wants to be there for her.
Up until this point, I had always associated denial with negative situations. I never considered that I was denying the good stuff too. Thank you for sharing this - you know who you are
Wow, what a thought. I never thought of it that way before. But now that I do, I can see that I have been denying some positive things too. Thanks for the ´lightbulb´ moment.
Ive noticed in my experiences with HP that HP is always there waiting - it is me that turns away & tries to do it on my own. When I align myself with HP, willingly surrender - my way, my thoughts, my desires, my choice of outcome - and get quiet and receptive to listening -- the opportunity or course of action is always something I hadn't considered yet.
I was self abusive and used negative self talk - I know I kept myself from a lot of good expereiences but now I can do better and be present and open to seeing new perspectives. I had to do tons of self forgiveness work to get to that point. I am thrilled to say that using program has opened my mind & that the choices are abundant - I just couldnt see them before.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
this post struck a chord with me - i know only too well how difficult it is to separate the A's denial of the illness from myself denying him the ability to love me and to want me and to take care of me. Even in some of his drunkest states he would tell all our friends just how much he appreciated everything i did for him, how glad he was that i was by his side, how much he loved the quirky little things i do, and how much he wanted to make me well when i was seriously ill. When he is drinking with them he tells them how much he misses me and wishes i would go home. Even though we are living apart, he asks politely for my help when he needs it and always says thankyou when i respond. he recently had a bad spell of gout and was unable to walk for 9 days! i sorted him out some crutches and made him as comfortable as i could, cooked meals for him, even washed him as he couldnt make it to the shower block (we live on a caravan park and the caravans dont have running water). i did these things because i wanted to, not because i had to and he was truly greatful of my compassion in his time of need. once back on his feet i wished him well and returned to my own home.
i believe that it is possible to still care for and look out for an A by having very firm boundaries that work for both of you. My AH and I are actually a lot closer than we were because living apart has given us both the space to work out what is important to ourselves without the worry of working out how it will affect the other person. it has been a healthy decision for us to separate for a while. no one knows if it will be a permanent thing at the moment - only time will tell on that one.
