The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been dating a recovering a. for about a month or so. She has been sober for just over a year and regulary attends AA meetings. I care very deeply for this person and value her well-being and continued sobriety. I understand that this is something she needs to deal with on her own (with the help of AA & God) and that her recovery takes precedence over our relationship. I would like to understand what she is going through so that I can be a positive entity in her life. Can anyone recommend any books for people who are in relationships with recovering a.'s? Also, any insights or advice is greatly welcomed.
Something that you may find helpful is going to open AA speaker or discussion meatings with your A(or without) or maybe listening to speaker tapes. There are so many different yet similar stories to be heard and they all have their own unigue message. We can all learn so much from each other. I myself am not familar with any good books in this area but I am sure others on this board have a wealth of knowladge when it comes to helpful reading. Oh, come to think of it, the AA Big Book would be a good place for an inside look into an alcoholic's mind.
Good for you for being so supportive. I hope you find what you are looking for.
Thanks Agatha, I will definitely start with the Big Book. I'm glad that I found this message board. I've found it extremely helpful reading the posts here, and look forward to sharing my experiences.
I agree with Agatha about going to open meetings - they will open your eyes.
There is an AA book called "Experience, Strength and Hope", which is the personal stories from all the different editions of the Big Book. They also have a monthly magazine, called the "Forum" which I find myself reading quite a bit. You could ask your A what she finds useful, if she is seriously into her recovery she probably has something, and it will keep you closer if you share it.
Most alanon literature is focused more on ourselves than on the A, there is lots of insight into alcoholism in there, but it is scattered throughout the books, rather than me being able to just point you to one place. It wouldn't hurt to do a little alanon reading, though, just to give you some direction in your own actions, when your A exhibits alcoholic behaviour. They can be very manipulative, and that doesn't stop when they stop drinking. You might find the "Getting Them Sober" books useful, because they point out common A bahaviours, and the way to deal with them.
If you are invovled with an A, you need to have a strong core of self esteem, and a good sense of your own boundaries. If you have a tendency to do too much, to take on other's problems, to assume that things are your fault, to carry the main emotional load in your relationships, then you are vulnerable to developing an unhealthy relationship with your A. If this describes you, then I hope you make alanon an important part of your life, to sort of 'inoculate' you against falling into bad patterns. Come here, go to f2f meetings, read any alanon literature that you can get hold of. I hope this has ben helpful.
Thank you Lin0606! This is exactly the kind of advice I was seeking. There are certain bumps/quirks in my relationship with my A that I'm certain are unique to those involved with an A. Something as simple as spending brief quality time or a vacation with your A can be challenging. There are other things that I attribute to her problem, and others that are just simple dating trivialities...too many to mention. Thanks again....this board is a great help to me.
