The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Because of the effects of alcholism, many of us have lost our self-esteem (as I). As much as we know our self-worth, how can we get out of the gutter and into self comfort, humor, and self-love once more????
When my self esteem is taking a battering (self inflicted by negative self talk), I think about whether my HP could think that about anyone, let alone me! Usually, my answer is "of course not". Then why do I believe my own negative self talk, more than my HP? Getting closer to HP helps me be just a little kinder to myself and further from the effects of the disease.
Another tool is a balanced 4th step inventory. Not a one-sided search and seizure of all my character defects. But a two-columned inventory of the strengths and the defects. The strengths are just as important as the defects.
Sometimes when I'm thinking what I'm grateful about, I add some things about myself.
I like that Rocky!! It's some of what I do also...If HP loves me unconditionally what authority do I have not to love myself that way also. I also do an inventory of myself starting at 1. child of god. 2. Husband and Father and Grand Father who is loving and supportive. 3. Community asset at large and in the Al-Anon Community. 4. Good caring, supportive neighbor etc. Practice, Practice, Practice. God don't make junk!!. ((((hugs))))
I agree with Rocky, Iused basic logic to help me to change my thoughts and behavioral patterns. Logic being, HP doesnt make junk ~ If I dont put me frist and love me first, no one will ~ If not now, when? <-- to encourage me to take action and do it - now.
The truth is - when I set and followed through on my first boundary - I felt self esteem, self respect come rushing back to me. Then I felt emotional detachment from my parents (at 36, for the 1st time in my life ever) and it felt like freedom and heaven. I felt like an indiviudal person, not one that is enmeshed and automatically influenced by another's feelings/attitude. I wanted much more of that expereince (detachment) so I dove head first into the program, put on my blinders and worked it with all my might.
I also got busy to discover what self love is and to love me like my own first priority and put the love of self - FIRST. That was life changing. I did not become selfish, I became even more compassionate and understadning. It has made me a better person and it has given me the room - to feel that sefl rspect and self esteem bc I am no longer compromisning myself.
Take baby steps. Im acoa so I had a lot of issues. When I caught my mind doing the negative self talk - I wouldnt kick myself and beat myself up about it (well I did but I would redirect my mind) let it go and immediately find positive, kind and genlte word to say to me. I would forgive myself for the automatic negatice respopnse. This is how I worked through it and changed my thoughts.
It took constant conscious work but it is do-able and today, I am a positive person. A few yrs ago, I chose to turn it over and be positive across the board. Life is easier now. I no longer stare and fixate on the problems - today I can see solutions.
Remember, what u focus on grows/manifests, so make it YOU, HP and something positive and u will see that growing in your life and program. YOU are worht it!
I still have trouble taking compliments (for example). I nstead of saying, "oh no ur wrong, Im not that great" I say ~ Thank you and try to appreciate what is being said without dismissing it. I am still learning to love me, more and more. Everything is a process - there is no destination.
Take care of YOU, whatver that looks like. Love you like your own best friend.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Rose, I am horrible with myself. Some of the things I say about myself I would never ever say about anyone else or even think them.
I have been many positve changes in my life. I am working a really good program right now, I am using my supoort system, I am being more acitve, I joined a gym and am eating healthier.
While I was working out the other day I thought about the fact that I wasn't being mean to myself anymore. I realized it is hard to put myself down or think negative thoughts when I am working so hard to be good to me. Also I was listening to my Ipod and the song "What I like about you" came on and I said okay self name 10 things you like about you right now. AND WAS ABLE TO!
I know I see myself very differently than how other people do. I have a hard time taking compliments (especially when someone says I am pretty/beautiful or anything like that), but I am noticing that many people are saying the same nice things and most of them have never met the other people who have said the similar things. So if I hear the same nice things over and over again but don't believe them who is the one in denial here me or them? lol a part of me still thinks it is them, but I am working on it.
A wise friend said that "God doesn't make junk" and he is right.
Take care of you.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
(((((Rose))))) - wise folks told me long, long ago that one of the best ways to build self-esteem is by doing service work. I define service work 'loosely' - so...it means any/all service to another.
When I'm down on me, I'm not only of little value to myself but also to others. Little things like helping a neighbor, offering a ride to a non-driver, opening doors for others, volunteering, etc. are all ways for me to provide service to others.
By practicing what I've learned here and in meetings (and nicely put above me), and then taking it out for 'practice' runs, it truly lifts my spirit and my self-worthiness!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
a good friend gave me this - it was given to them by their sponsor with instructions to tape it to their mirror and read it every morning and every nite before bed. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.
I am precious, I love myself I am loveable, I love myself I am worthwhile, I love myself I matter, I love myself I am intelligent, I love myself I have a right to my feelings, my perceptions, my recovery and my life I love myself I am responsible for my behavior, my feelings, my perceptions, my recovery and my life I love myself
I still struggle with some self-esteem issues - but this helps
Wishing you Peace, Love & JOY, HUGS, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
