The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
To make a very long story short my A boyfriend who over the past 8 years has cut his drinking down to almost a quarter of what he drank when I met him, I think is now popping percocet instead of drinking. I have found them before in his shed and have noticed the difference in his eyes when he takes them. His brother just passed away complications from cancer on Feb. 15th. He has hardly drank but I am almost positive he is popping pills now. His 2 second trips to the shed before and after work I noticed is what made me first wonder, and yes I see the signs. I am trying very hard to mind my own business but it is a struggle for me right now as opposed to most of the time I just let it go. Any words of wisdom are very welcome :) Thanks so much for listening. Holly
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
You are doing the right thing. What good will it do to confront him? He is either going to lie to you or tell you the truth. In either case what will it change? Nothing. I've been where you are. My AW hiding her drinking from me, and me snooping trying to to find out how many cans she drank. It was just a game that no one won. I eventually learned through the program that I have no control over someone else's drinking, I didn't like that, but I came to accept it. Acceptance is an important word in our program. But it's more than a word now to me. I try as best I can everyday to accept the fact that my A is going to do what she is going to do-----drink-----accept that she is addicted to a powerful drug-----Alcohol-----accept that I have no control over her or her drinking. I could go on and on---------
You are doing the second best thing for yourself by letting go-----now go do the best thing you can do for yourself------ Start taking care of yourself "First".
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 4th of March 2010 06:04:47 PM
I'm sorry you and your Aboyfriend are going through this. I see from your picture that you have two little ones. Any chance you can get to, or go to al-anon meetings face to face? You may need them, and your little ones may need you to get the support you need to resist the disease sucking you into it's effects (codependancy, craziness etc ).
It's tough not doing anything about your Aboyfriend. There are no magic words we can say that we can expect will make a difference. I think the word expect is mportant. I found in my own relationship, that saying something with an expectation attached is doomed to failure. Saying we feel concerned about another and expressing care and hope that they might decide to do something about it, is another matter if we do not attach expectations to it. I guess where we draw that line is between each of us and our HP.
Yes an A will easily switch from one thing to another. If they can use it to dis associate from their feelings and go numb, they will use it. For some people, it doesnt even have to be a substance, it can be a behavior like work a holism or rage.
The best way to combat this disease, is to stop enabling. For me I enabled in all of my obsessive thoughts about that person - and in so doing, I was not focsued on me. If u focus on another person, you lose yourself - and u feed the disease for you both. The way to combat it is to - focus on YOU, the only person u can control or change.
When i first got here - I did not want to hear that. I thought, this is absurd, of course thier business is MY business. I'm their daughter or girl friend. Since I have taken the program to heart - applying it in all of my affairs - focusing on me, MYOB, willingly surrendering to HP & detaching from other's issues, whims, moods & feelings (as we all have to deal with our own) my life has improved in every way and life is easier.
You have to look out for YOU and protect yourself and speak up for yourself (& by setting boudnaries and following through). We can love and still support our loved ones - I know for me, I can do that much more effectively now.
It works when u work it & you are worth it!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
