The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new here.. My husband is disabled and has had multiple back problems.. He cannot work a steady job. He has several friends who are retired that he hangs out with. He is younger than them, he is 35 they are in 50's... Well they sit around all day and drink.. he has to take meds for his back so the alcohol and meds don't mix.. I am working to support our family and that is not what I want to come home to at night... We have 2 girls that are teens and are aware of this. We fuss every time it happens which is at least twice a week.. I am concerned he is turning into an alcoholic. OF course he denies that. but most people don't plan on being an alcoholic..We used to NEVER fuss, never.... The past 5 years have ruined our marriage.. I am so confused about to stay or leave.. I feel obligated to him..He cannot work and support himself. I LOVE HIM but I hate the beer... I hate the man it makes him.. I may be out of place here but I need help...
First off, welcome home you are in the right place. This program is for people who are affected by someone else's drinking. The drinker doesn't have to accept that they have a problem or not this program is still for you :) because based on your thread you are affected.
One of the most helpful things I heard when I was new to alanon was the 3 C's. 1. You cannot control it. 2. You cannot cure it. 3. You didn't cause it. The disease of alcoholism is a family disease and part of our (the loved ones of the alcoholic) is to think that we did cause it, we can control it and we can cure it. I spent many wasted years trying to cure and control my ex husbands addictions. In the end I finally accepted that the only one I have control over is me.
I struggled with staying or going for a long time and in the end I had to do what is best for me. I prayed a lot to the God of my understanding and really dove into this program. I got my answer and I am at peace with it.
Keep coming back. You will here your story and there is valuable ESH (Experience, Strength and Hope) here....all yours for the taking.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Out of place ? I think not . You are absolutley in the right place .. It really dosent matter how much he drinks what matters is how it affects you when he does , there is no point in trying to convince him that he has a problem , until he sees that it is causing a problem it isnt , its causing you a problem and Al-Anon will help ... Please find meetings for yourself and check to see if there is Alateen in your comunity for your girls , with all of you in recovery life will get much better ..
Welcome: None of us come here because we want to deal with the issue. I know for me alcoholism nearly was the end of me. I have had many many alcoholics in my life. If you think he is one then he probably is.
I know that this group and al anon can help you a great deal. One big recommendation is to get the Book Getting them Sober, Toby Rice Drew(the author) also has a website.
