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Hi all, Whelp tomorrow is my final court date for the divorce to be final. In some ways the time has flwon by and in other ways it has dragged.
I had court this morning becasue my hub did not take the state mandatory parenting class. The divorce would not have been granted without both of us taking this class. The court facilitator I saw last week to have my final paperwork looked over told me that the judge I see for the final divorce proceedings would not grant a divorce unless both parties took the required class. She said he wouldn't even listen to me and I would not get what I wanted.
So this court facilitator helped me fill out the motion that I submitted this morning and I was seen by a different judge. When she agreed to sign the motion I couldn't help it I cried. I was so relieved. I didn't realize until that moment that I was worried about it and to be honest I don't even think worry is the right word.
I had told my mom that whatever will be will be and that I was handing everything over to HP. I think I am keeping myself so busy that I don't have near enough time to fret like I used to. With working full-time, rainsing three young ones on my own, housework, meetings and going to the gym I have a very full schedule. So where is my time to worry?
Even this morning I was running too late to really focus on what might happen in court today. --A quick aside- I think whoever invented the snooze button should be shot . Anyway- It was only when I sat down waiting for courtto be in session that I thought about what I woud do if the judge denied my motion. But even then the panic didn't come (and I am not complaining about that) I remembered that the facilitator said I could come see her again (along with another $25 fee :P) and she would help walk me through the process to get the divorce granted if the one judged denied my request and then the judge I see for the divorce would then deny my divorce.
So I really had nothing to worry about I may have just had to wait to get the approval.
But instead I somehow was able to stay level headed, healthy, sane and wasn't worrying. No wonder I had to find other things to fill my life up with. This is what alanon does to you! If you work this program then all the things you used to do, you stop doing. All that stuff that used to be so important for me that I spent all my time doing it's all gone and I don't care to find where it went lol I don' t have time for it anymore.
I have court tomorrow afternoon and whatever happens, happens. I can handle it and it won't be the end of my world or take my serenity.
This getting healthy stuff is AWESOME!
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I was not married to the ex A (who I was with for 7 years). In so many ways leaving him was a process like divorce. I had to oust my self from so many agreements, our joint tenancy being one of them. I jointly owned a truck with him ( I paid for it). Every single step of the way the ex A made things incredibly difficult. So much for all his sham claims that he just wanted me "out". For years and years and years he claimed that. When it came down to it after a year or more of him not wanting to put me on the joint tenancy agreement (he went out of his way to make it difficult for the landlord to do that) he absolutely made it that I lost everything, truck, apartment, belongings (they were all his), dogs (temporarily) the lot. Leaving an alcoholic means that they often make it the process from hell.
For so so so long I was not prepared to lose "everything". In fact in many many ways once I put my lot in with that particular addict/ alcoholic everything was lost. He was not able to be honorable, agreeable, honest or have any shred of integrity. Every single thing I feared came true. I survived all of it.
I have no doubt most court systems are aware that so many people are not able to agree on anything and there have to ways around it. I held on for so long to things that were impossible to hold onto, a truck that had been destroyed so many times, pets that were supposed to be mutual (he had no concept of mutuality there was only "his"...and nothing less) and belongings.
In the end I let go and in the end I did survive. I didn't manage to craft an agreeable solution but I survived.
I know you will survive this too. To expect an active alcoholic to "behave respectfully" is not realistic.
I found out that one thing which was told me long ago, "there is no such thing as a good divorce" is absolutely true. The next one was as true as the first, "As long as you have a memory you will never be divorced." The first one was without the program and the second one was within it. Both were great examples of being crapped on but the second one the crap didn't stick like it did on the first.
How come none of the really good horror movies are about divorce? LOL
Trust HP Mandy and remember to be Fair, Honest and Just. ((((hugs))))
PS...flash that new tat at the judge and impress the hell out of the court. Yay!!
I am sending my most loving thoughts and biggest hugs across the country to you today ((((My Mandy)))). Know that we are all with you today.
You are an amazing example of this program. You continue to show us that "it works if you work it and you are soooooo worth it" my friend. Your post reminds me of so many slogans -- "when I got busy, I got better" is one and is so true.
We aren't promised a life free of pain ~ what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. We all grieve relationships because despite the painful outcomes at times, we also remember the beautiful times, the happy moments. We learn to hate the disease but love the person afflicted by it. Those who recover, IMHO, are the ones who walk through the pain and fear and learn the lessons along the way.
So darn proud of you Lady for all the work you've done.
love ya, YourMaria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
You have come such a long way in your recovery. I remember when I first came to this board, you inspired me then and continue to do so. Sending you extra love and blessings. Thanks for being such a great role model.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
P.S. Kitties make a great snooze button. They keep pawing at you until you get up & feed them!
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
. Anyway-
