The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I grew up in a family toxic with resentment, chaos and frustration. I know that set up meant that I gravitated towards dysfunctional people, they were familiar I knew how to interact around them and I also knew what was expected.
These days after losing everything and I mean everything after a relationship with an alcoholic my serenity and wellbeing means more to me. I did not have sernity or well being at all during my time with the ex A. For me it was 7 years of increasingly escalating chaos, resentment, rage and fear. The toll on my life was immense. Indeed I believe 3 years later I still have not sufficiently detoxed from it.
Nowadays when I feel resentment I know I need to take direct action right away because if I allow the levels to go up (like the swamp I lived in when I was around the alcoholic) sooner or later my health goes and that's not to mention my mood, wellbeing and ability to be functional in the world. I value myself these days in ways I never knew before. If I encounter situations that seem unfair, not what I signed up for or confusing, I know I don't deserve it. For years and years and years I believed I had no right to speak up for myself or take action on my behalf.
My life is far from easy. I have some tremendous obstacles ahead of me. The consequences for me of leaving the alcoholic were immense. The consequences of staying were also immense. The lifelong rampifications of having lived in that chaos and fear and rage may always be there.
I'm glad I can now take actions on my behalf. I no longer need to stew in resentment, rage and fear. I deserve better. I no longer need to rescue, caretake or try to excavate chaos and confusion. Progess not perfection. Overtime I hope to have a life that shows and projects self preservation, self love and self care.
"Over time I hope to have a life that shows and projects self preservation, self love and self care."
That can be and is being done because you have been doing the most important thing you can do for yourself.--------- You have been taking care of maresie first !!!
In this program we never arrive at the destination---we continue our journey one step and one day at a time.
I'm glad I can now take actions on my behalf. I no longer need to stew in resentment, rage and fear. I deserve better. I no longer need to rescue, caretake or try to excavate chaos and confusion. Progess not perfection. Maresie.
Dear Maresie Thanks for your thought provoking share.
Before alanon, resentment, anger, fear and self pity were the only tools in my tool box. And you are so right They nearly destroyed me.
Since working this program, I have new tools that enable me to live They are: Say what you mean , Mean what you say BUT do not say it Mean Focus on yourself Pray Resentments Hurt me. Stop blaming and gossiping Do NOt Project Let Go and Let GOd
and the Biggie
Live and Let Live
With these in place I no longer need the old destructive tools
Thanks for the thoughts
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 26th of February 2010 06:58:13 PM
I do know for me a fresh resentment (I have plenty of old ones I am working through) is a sign my boundaries are amiss. These days in self love I can take action directly and at least acknowledge them. For years I did not acknowledge how much the ex A's actions hurt me. The cumulative affect of that is and was tremendous.
