The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
there is a saying here in england that it never rains but it pours! nothing could be more true for me.... i think there is a permanent rain cloud following me ready to dampen even the best of days!
i am starting my study next week....3months of hard work infront of me and i will be ready to launch my business. there i was with my head in a book and one of my four daughters phoned....my grandson, aged 7, was rushed to hospital with suspected appendicitis. several hours and frantic phone calls later it was discovered he had a nasty virus and needed hospitalisation...he was so distressed and she couldnt leave him. they are 200 miles away and i have no car!!!! then i ran out of credit on my mobile....nearest shop 4 miles away!!!!
daughter finally made contact this morning...he still in hospital, high temperature, vomitting etc but stable...she crying,,,wants her mommy...cant get to her..feel lousy! letting her down? letting him down? sigh...
about 10 mins ago,,,son rings. g/f has accused him of sleeping with her best friend and dragged him to the clinic for a sti test! they are never apart!!! when does she think he fitted her in? crazy woman...lots of issues. son now on phone and msn saying he cant cope...wants his mommy...again...200 miles away...no car! letting him down!!! sigh.
msn going mad,...trying to calm them both down,,,support them...from a distance...cant do anything else!OMG!!! stress....
trying not to stress....IBS attack is the last thing i need right now but i can feel it coming on. what to do?
Life certainly has a lot of things to throw at us!
Your son's situation is hard -- but at least it's his situation and not yours. Yet another thing you didn't cause, can't control, and can't cure. This sounds like information about his girlfriend -- I mean that she is prone to accusations like this -- that may help him assess whether he wants to go forward with her. So that's useful information. If she won't listen to reason, he's under no obligation to keep trying to prove her wrong (and more than we're under an obligation to prove to drinkers that they're out of control). And much as we'd like to protect our children from sadness, their lives are theirs to live. You can sympathize on the phone, but going there -- would that be a "merging" way to react?
Illness is another thing -- so stressful -- but I'm glad they've pinned down the problem. Remember that you have to take care of yourself before you can be there for others. To people who've been used to trying to rescue others all their lives, sometimes that looks at first like selfishness. Keep supporting yourself, especially when things go out of control.
For me when my stress level gets to a certain point I have to remind myself to detach. If you are sick there is nothing you can do for anyone. I think your children are very lucky to have a mother who is "present".
We tend to hold ourselves to impossibly high standards.
you are all so very right and i thank you for your understanding and support. i am really grateful for these pages and this site where i can let off steam and know that i am not being judged or criticized. detatching from AH was really hard and still is. detatching from my kids and letting them make their own mistakes and decisions is harder. my son is ADHD and although 30 has the mental age of around 17 so he is in constant need. he has councelling now as they have discovered he is dyslexic too (took them long enough, i spotted that when he was 11!). my daughter is calmer today as grandson was allowed home yesterday and went to school as normal today....thank goodness. she had a well earned sleep while he was in school and has recharged her batteries. i am recharging mine - i have my favourite mix of night time chill out music on and am listening to inspirational, relaxing songs that help me through. i am reminded of a couple of things my mother in law, god rest her soul, used to say:- don't worry...something will turn up and someone should do something, if nobody does anything then everything will stay the same! when in the depths of despair and feeling lost i always put Charlie Lansborough on and listen to my all time favourite track - My forever friend which reminds us all that we are not alone.....if we let our HP guide us through our troubles.
