The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I find the older I get and the longer I am on this path the more I know myself:
Impatience - I want everything and I want it right now!
Neediness - I want to be validated by someone else all the time (preferably a man)
Impulsivity - I make rash life changing decisions on a whim.
Bossiness - I can't really think of another word for thinking I know best and trying to tell someone else how they should live their life.
Obsessive - I focus on one thing and obsess on it (usually a man)
Needing to know - I hate when things are up in the air and I don't know what is going on with someone else or in a situation, basically I want to be psychic.
Speaking before I think - I say what's on my mind and regret it later.
Now for the positive qualities - cuz I have to make myself feel better now :)
Intelligence - I'm a smart girl and can figure things out pretty quickly.
Beauty - I am pretty :)
Creativity - I find innovative solutions to problems.
Humor - I'm funny and love to make people laugh.
Talent - I'm a great writer, a pretty good singer and a superhuman bargain hunter!
Persistence - similar to obsession but in a positive way :)
Loyalty - I am very loyal to my friends and try to be there for other people when I can.
Non Judgmentalism - I have very few things that I am judgmental about and mostly live by the motto of to each his own.
Some of these are so intertwined. Like being judgmental and accepting things that are unacceptable as well as being loyal but potentially to a fault. Persistence and obsession (I want what I want and I don't give up easily). How to find balance? How to stop the mouth in anger before the brain catches up? How to validate myself? (this little exercise helped with the positive qualities). How do you breed patience and rid your mind of obsession? How to deny impulses?
They for sure could be my defects list. I try to remember, that it's progress not perfection!! I myself, talk a lot and in that course, I sometimes say things I shouldn't, ( could be called gossiping) I dont really mean to " gossip" I just haven't figured out how to socialize without it. I can beat myself up pretty bad about it, but I know I am better than I used to be and I also know that I can be aware of it now, so that is progress.
Doing the 4th and 5th step with a sponsor will help you find the balance you are looking for. As you have already pointed out, your negatives are really just positive qualities that have been overblown. A sponsor will help you to understand how to dial back on those negatives to make them positives again.
I can really relate to this list. I find myself struggling with the following today:
Impatience - I want everything and I want it right now!
Neediness - I want to be validated by someone else all the time (preferably a man)
Needing to know - I hate when things are up in the air and I don't know what is going on with someone else or in a situation, basically I want to be psychic.
Speaking before I think - I say what's on my mind and regret it later.
I find the need to push and push until everyone says everything in anger and then feel badly about the outcome. I'm trying to get better with patience but after 3 or 4 days of asking what is wrong and not getting a response it gets the better of me. I am leaving (unexpectedly) on a work trip for 2 weeks on Monday and things are now in disarray at home.
This post reminded me that there are others that are struggling with some of the same things I am. It also reminded me that I am human and will err but that I should pick myself up and keep trying.
I am leaving (unexpectedly) on a work trip for 2 weeks on Monday and things are now in disarray at home.