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I am new to this board and am feeling very overwhelmed and hope someone can help. My mother and I have not spoken in about 18 months due to her alcoholism. I have been covering for her my whole life and finally had enough. I told her i would always be there for her but she needed to stop drinking and get professional help. She didn't, she said she did but it was a lie. I feel like I made the right decision until i got the call on friday that no one in her condo building had seen her since last friday. It seems she had passed away alone some time during the week. I just don't know how to control my feelings and the pain that i am experiencing. I loved her and hate the thought that she died alone and no one even knew it for a week. I know that she is at peace now and no longer in pain and that comforts me somewhat but I still am hurting.
Sorry for the long post but I just don't know how to feel.
I am so sorry. Just let yourself feel what you do feel, don't worry about whether it is good or bad, or acceptable or unacceptable. The feelings we have for the As in our lives are always so complicated, the love is coloured by the pain. Give yourself time and permission to grieve the way you need to. Something to remember at this time - I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it.
You are in the right place. I'm so sorry about your Mom. You do need to have your feeling around this tragic event. Allow yourself to grieve. I don't know if you're ever been to an Ala-non meeting. But you might want to go to one. Ala-non teaches us that we are not responsible for the alcoholic's in our life. They are. We can take care of ourselves and move out of the pain of alcoholism.
Please come here and vent as much as you want. It's better to get those feelings out than hold them in. Many of us have suffered the effects of alcoholism. It sucks. There many books available. My favorite is Courage to Change. I'll be looking for your posts.
oh hon I am so sad for you. You just feel what you do! Of course you loved her! It was the disease you hated. You were there for her for a very long time. Please do not be hard on you. please. The disease would love to make ya feel awful. Don't allow it.
Go to that place in your heart that you hold the love you have for your mom. Put good memories in when icky ones try to make ya feel bad.
HOn I think all the time, what if my A husband dies and does not know how much I really loved him all along. Or if he goes into the hospital and his sick addict family does not tell me.
KIlls me so I do relate so much.
If you have a support system, friends, family whoever, love is what gets you thru this stuff.
My first husband was killed when he was drunk. We had had a horrible fight.
I caught him with our sweet babies drinking and driving!! I freaked and kicked him out. He was heart broken. I did not know anything about alanon then.
I felt guilty for years. Then it dawned on me, he would have forgiven me for kicking him out. We would have made up and gotten help.
So see I do understand. Give yourself love and a hug for me.
Hi Laura~ Welcome and I'm glad you found us~ I am so sorry for your loss. Glad you are here and able to share your feelings with us all, sometimes it just helps to let it all out. Keep coming back~ Carla
I am so sorry for your loss of your mother. Allow yourself to grieve, as grieving is a healthy process. Keep in mind that you are not at fault. Try to be kind to yourself. Come back here often to visit. You might find local Al Anon meetings helpful.
Sincerely, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Thank you so much for all of the support you have shown me. I am still struggling with my feelings- sadness, relief, anger and hurt. I think the holiday weekend has helped to keep me busy. Tomorrow i head out to her place to look for paperwork and start cleaning it up. Wednesday is the funeral. I still cannot believe that she is gone. I do realize that she is at peace now but i still do not understand how someone can slide so far away.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom. You will experience a million and one emotions, and that is totally normal. Try to cherish the special moments you had together. Don't let yourself feel guilty! It's a horrible, heart-wrenching disease and we all pretty well know what you have been through.
There are many many loving, caring people here on this board. As a matter of fact, I was thinking just the other day that I haven't met so many great, compassionate, understanding people in one place since I was a child.
If you keep coming back, you will learn so much more about Alcoholism, and you will understand it better, you will learn that there is nothing you could have done to change things. When I came here, I thought I was 'losing it', and I was. The disease not only makes our loved ones sick, it makes us sick too, and coming here will help you regain your sanity!! I know it sure has for a lot of us!!
Take care of yourself, Hon, give yourself a chance to heal, cry, scream, whatever you need to do. You will be in my prayers, love TLC
well still feeling a ton of emotions about my mom. We started cleaning out her condo and boy did she hit bottom. I can't believe they didn't condemn the place. I am still trying to understand how someone can live that way and not understand that they need help. Currently i am just shocked and sad about the whole thing. Some relatives came in for the funeral and could not believe that i didn't do anything to try and fix her. I wanted to shout "I tried but I couldn't!" WEll life goes on and i do realize i might need some help with coming to grips with my feelings. I am taking the weekend off from cleaning the condo.
Have a good weekend everyone and thanks for all the support.
