The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have read a lot here and posted a little, mostly learning, gaining hope and inspiration. My AH of 18 years is typical in many ways, not so in others. He has a good job and makes good money, although we are in bankruptcy because of repeated arrests for DUI and public drunk, disturbing the peace, etc. He has done jail time but has spent a fortune on lawyers, probation fees, fines, DUI schools, etc.
He travels all the time, and I have honestly lost track of how many times he's been arrested and in what states. He currently has a DUI charge pending in some neighboring state. His driver's license is revoked, but he has gotten licenses in other states and drives over 100K miles a year on business. If he gets arrested in our home state, it will be a probation violation, and he will not get out. And if he gets another DUI, I understand that it will be a felony instead of a misdemeanor, and big trouble.
God knows how he keeps his job (I do believe that alcoholism is frequently overlooked in the workplace if the employee delivers, and he is in sales and does deliver). We are in our 60's, me older than him and financially dependent on him since I have only SS income at this point.
But I have been stashing a little money away and earning aking a little on the side with the goal of getting out of here eventually. Wish I had known 18 years ago what this life would be, but I can't change that now.
He is a binge drinker, and lately his binges start earlier and last longer. I last spoke with him at 9 am this morning, and he was drunk. This was a first, as far as I know. Since then, his phone goes directly to voice mail, which usually means he's either in jail or he's lost his phone. He just bought the phone last week to replace the one he lost on last week's bender.
If he's in jail, he'll lose his job for sure if he's unable to bond out. If he's dead, at least I'll get a little insurance money. And peace of mind for both of us. What a choice. (Not that I actually have one.)
It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry to hear of the problems you and AH are having. I'm not sure if your AH is better off dead or in jail, only HP knows his plan. I know many of us have either quietly, or loudly wished our alcoholic dead. We become so distraught, sometimes this seems the best option.
I think it's good you are finding ways to try and recover financially from the disease. I am also sensing that you have become very worn out emotionally and spiritually. If nothing else, take care of your insides as well as protecting yourself financially. Alanon is great for your insides!
I hear you and am so sorry for the pain and uncertainty you are living with.
Please know you ae not alone and that alanon tools can help you back to serenity and peace of mind .
When I am anxious I try to read my Courage to Change and join the Chat Room at MIP. It is open 24/7 and really helps to connect with those who really understand.
Your post brought up for me that when I met the ex a he was already driving on a suspended license. Whats more he already had a civil action against him for a car wreck. At that time I had little if any self preservation. I did not see that as a huge red flag. I had learned as a child to blot stuff like that out in order to preserve. I was over attached day one.
Al anon can indeed help you a great deal. Many of us have found ourselves incredibly dependent on the A. I certainly was. I felt like leaving was a no win and staying was a no win. Al anon helped me immensely. My life, as you may have gathered is far far far from easy having left the ex a. I was aware of that when I was with him. I made a choice eventually or rather the choice was made for me. The ex A went on a bender that he never came back from, the car wrecks piled up and the catastrophes piled up that leaving was a viable option rather than something to be dreaded.
I am glad you are here. You deserve peace, serenity and a future without dread.
Aloha essgee...working on your own security and safety is what the program suggests. It sounds like he is in the acceleration phase of the disease...loosing it all and all of his sanity also. Death is also one of the options of the disease of addiction so make sure that it's not yours if the drama hightens. I've never met a drunk or addict that could really afford the disease. All the ones I know have lost everything and some of them a couple of times over. You are responsible for yourself so don't even feel guilty or fearful or ashamed of doing that.
Call the hotline number for Al-Anon from the white pages of your telephone book and find out where and when the meetings are. If you get in touch with a real voice talk to them about what's going on with you also and ask for help.
