The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I guess it has been just 5 short weeks since my AH passed away, although it seems so much longer than that. In that time, my family and I have been able to say goodbye, both here in the USA and my home country. I returned from my home country last week and have become very aware of an empty place inside me. The place reserved for AH. My house is quiet, his half (two thirds!) of the bed is empty after 25 years of togetherness.
My day is ahead of me. My life is ahead of me, and I need to figure out what it should look like. I realize how much of it was dedicated to the health and wellbeing of my AH, as well as sharing the loving moments we could grab.
I know alanon will help me fill the void. Broadening my understanding of how to take care of me, letting HP guide my actions so that I can be proud of who I am. I have some service work planned, I have made connections with friends, but I still feel the emptiness. Maybe that's the grief.
I don't have too much else to post. Just wanted to share what's going on with me.
(((((Rocky))))) I'm so sorry at the pain you're going through. I don't know what to say except you have been and will continue to be in my prayers. I have no ESH to offer on your situation. Just wanted to send you some big hugs.
Rocky so sorry to hear of your loss. I hear such courage and wisdom in your share. I too have lost people who I loved and the pain is lik no other. Each tme I have thought how can I go on but some how I have. Today I feel safer in the knowledge of a power greater than myself who I can lean on , not to mention all my al anon friends. When I am at my lowest service also helps me. Just to let you know I am thinking of you and I hope your Ah has found a lovely place of peace with his own HP.
Rocky - I too offer (((((hugs))))) to ya and continued prayers for peace during your grieving. And, I do believe that's what it is - any loss of life is a loss, and often a time for reflection/memories.
I applaud your plan to stay close to the program and do some service work. MIP folks are here for ya and what a gift that is.
Just for today, give you a much deserved break and relax as best you can. Know we are here as is your HP.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hello Rocky , grieving takes as long as it takes -period there is no time limit on comming to terms with your loss. Now is a perfect time to live One Day at a Time , wondering what your future looks like ??? well luckily we cant do that or I am sure alot of us would have just said to hell with it and stop growing . When I focus on today my life is so much calmer , I need only get thru today and enjoy what presents itself to me , not all is pleasant to be sure but one day at a time anything is possible . Thinking of you today . Louise
Aloha Rocky...Take all the time you need to go through it and bring it here for us to share with you until you learn to share it for us. I wasn't able to share the pain of that kind of loss only by myself because I had Al-Anon around me. The program would not let me try to do it alone so they did it with me. I have no greater gratitude. Today I shared the grief for another member so that she might come to the under- standing that there are others here who also understand and can tell her what we did to grow from it.
Take all the time you need. Use as much if not of your Higher Power that you have. Lay back into the membership and let it carry you when you cannot stand up on your own.
I am so sorry for your loss. As someone who was over responsible I felt like the A was my entire life. I now have my own life, it may not be perfect but it is mine.
Rocky - an excellent book I read is called Broken Open. It inspired me to see these difficult times in life as merely a means to a new beginning. A place where I travel the pain and may feel consumed by it, but eventually rise again, to be born into something stronger.
I am so sorry for your pain and loss. I can really relate to that gaping feeling of emptiness within and of being so aware of its presence. It doesn't make it any easier or make the pain less, but it somehow helps to know that others are experiencing what I am and have been able to come through it to the other side. You're not alone!!!
