The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Because I've been to "busy" latley, I've isolated myself from everyone, even my Al-anon friends. In the last year I've been to about 5 meetings, not including this second posting that I've put online. That is not enough.........I miss being part of a fellowship which I was when I had more time.
When I do not attend meetings or call my sponsor, I can't deal with the even everyday people. Because I have program, I feel like I'm in a different level mentally, emotionally, and spiritually (which I think we all really are).....yet if I don't go to meetings I cannot deal with anyone as to why I isolate myself and can't even be the bubbly person that I used to be....
I've put my life on hold for the alcoholic and I can't even enjoy the passions that I used to have (dance) like I used to. I didn't even realize that I put my life on hold until I talked to a friend of mine dealing with alcoholism/ addiction of a loved one as well. She gave up her passions, to make the alcoholic happy and it drained the heck out of her. That is how I am right now and after 5 years I didn't realize that I was walking on eggshells all this time.........
From now on I hope this forum proves just as effective as face to face meetings, and will do things that make me happy no matter if it triggers my loved one to use or not....He's got his program, and I have to work my program, because that is where MY healing starts. Thank you friends :)
Hi, Rose - glad you're here! This forum has been really wonderful for me. I've only been a member a short time, but I already value it very much.
I relate a lot to what you've shared. I, too, have put my life on hold for someone else. I didn't realize that's what had happened until far later. I told myself that I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. The reality of it was, I wanted to occupy all his time so that there was no way he could drink, and I wanted to supervise what he was doing or wasn't. It's taken me a long time to admit that.
I hope that you will take some time and do the things that make you happy and enrich your life. :)
Aloha Rose...That sure is the fixins for an Al-Anon relapse for sure. Good to have you back here. Make sure you're getting out to your face to face meetings also.
Thank you for the warm welcome it really does feel refreshing to be here.....and yes, I will make time for a face to face meeting at least one time a week for sure**** hugs to you too *****
I can relate tremendously. I often felt like the ex A swallowed my entire life. Indeed he absolutely hated any mention of recovery for me. Oddly enough since he blamed me for everything when I went to counselling he liked that as he could point to that I obviously had problems.
I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. Coming to this board is essential for me. I spend a lot of time on it and the time is always worthwhile.
I keep stumbling and getting back up and this forum keeps opening its arms to me. I love it. I can really relate to abandoning all sense of ME and feeling as though every single ounce of my identity and serenity and good feelings came from someone else.
I recently sought help for one of my own addictive/self-destructive behaviors and enrolled myself in an intensive outpatient program. When my ex-abf broke up with me, I realized that the past few years of my life had been all about him and that I, too, have a deadly disease that needs maintenance and I had been backsliding and relapsing and was in extreme denial about it. As I seek help for my illness, I am forced to be around alot of people, whom I feel I am a step ahead of - mentally and emotionally because of the Alanon program. I am grateful for that but at the same time I feel lost in between. I need to address my behaviors yet stil lmaintain my level of alanon recovery. I've been trying to juggle both and have not been doing very well. I need to recommit myself to meetings and this board.
It seems for me that I often tend to 'important stuff' before me.....why my thinking forgets to put me first is unknown, but I guess the ole habits seem to be difficult to change.
I am better at ODAT and detachment when I make this board and meetings a part of my plan, each day. I have had stuff come up that's taking some time away, and I need to work to make sure I prioritize accordingly.
So glad you're back/here! Gr8 place and gr8 ESH!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
