The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
just taking time out from studying to catch up with you all..... my there has been some real progress since the last time i was here for a lot of you! "taking care of you" is beginning to work and it fills me with hope.
while i was reading through the posts i had missed i was struck by a common thread - the "why is this happening to me" thought process - and i was immediately taken back to the days when i was in councelling sessions. i learnt that people treat me the way they do because i let them (or rather used to). i had no boundaries in place for lovers, husband, kids, not even for the dog! i would happily go along for the ride saying nothing hoping for the peaceful life which of course never happened. why would it? why would people alter their behaviour toward me if they didnt know they were acting in a way that upset me? why would they modify their behaviour if there were no consequences for their actions?
since then i have learnt that i need to have a voice and have put my boundaries in place. i can live my life knowing that i can cope with the sudden unwelcome behaviours that occur with this illness. i have perfected my relaxation techniques to get me through the rougher times. my life is no longer chaotic because i wont let it get to that stage before i take action. i have a far more positive and focused outlook than i ever thought possible. my faith is stronger than ever that my HP will see me through this and i am learning to live life to the full, achieving my dreams, and I becoming content at last.
working the 12 step programme seems hard at first but little by little, with faith and determination we can all find our happy place and be at peace. it is a mantra we should all follow always; not just when dealing with our As as many of the principles are relevant and effective for lots of different situations that will come our way. following the programme can help us recover from ourselves too. ((((hugs))))
People pleasing has been a huge issue for me. I let go of that gradually and some of it was to keep coming back to my resentments. I also had to look at my expectations. I would do grandiose things for others and expect them to be grateful they weren't.
Boundaires have also been very very difficult for me. When I put them in place many many many people in my life balked at them. I had to be in great pain to be willing to keep at it. I simply got to a point where I could not continue the way I was and then and only then did I put in boundaries and hold to them.
