The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sorry in advance for this vent but my head is about to burst.
My Ason (33) is due in court (maybe even been there already, I dont know) for criminal damage....and has another similar charge pending......all in the pursuit of drink. I never thought, as a mother, I would utter these words....... but I hope he gets sent to jail. His last period of sobriety was 2 months in Spring of last year when he was home with us. If he has forced sobriety along with 12 step prison visits and whatever else help is offered it has to be better than how he is existing now. I have worked long and hard this last yr to let go, to detach with love and I now actually do have some serenity over this. I accept that what will be will be and that I am powerless over his disease....but the anger I have against it is giving me a headache today.
My daughter is being abused and bullied again by her ex (hes an A in control......his words....ha ha) his drinking has escalated, hes lost his business, last month stopped paying towards the mortgage and child support. She found out last week that he has another woman (since Nov....poor b----) who he has brought into my grand-daughters life and is playing happy familys with.... without even so much as a by the way can we discuss this before it happens.My daughter found out from the wee one when dropping her off for her visit to her Father last weekend. As they drew up outside his house she asked if Daddys special friend was going to be there............out of the mouth of babes eh, shes not even 3 yet. I support her as a Mother and Grand-mother, (and as a member of Al-Anon). Im doing the best I can with what I have.....and Im grateful for the principles of the programme........she has control of her situation, not me. However Im only human and I currently want to kick him from here to hell and back.
That brings me to today. We are getting ready to drive 600 miles to my sis-in-law who was diagnosed 2 weeks ago with terminal liver cancer. She went for tests in Nov for something unrelated and they werent happy with the results and advised a scan which she had to wait until 2 weeks ago to get...when they told her the cancer has probably been there for a couple of yrs! This woman hasnt had a days illness in her life, got to 65 and decided to postpone her retirement till 70 to build up the pension pot a bit more.......she will be 68 on Sunday. In a period of months she has gone from fit and healthy to dying and her deterioration is so rapid that we cant postpone this journey any longer.
I do accept life on lifes terms...... I just wish that sometimes the terms were spaced out a bit. I am glad I had the courage to walk through the doors of Al-Anon last year because the tools and slogans are my strength right now. I know to take first things first. I am grateful we have a motor-home (RV)to travel the miles through the snow in comfort and if we get stuck we have the means to make warm drinks, something to eat and a cosy bed to sleep in. I know we cant save my sis-in-law, but we can give her hugs and kisses and remind her she is loved and we are grateful to be given the opportunity to say goodbye. Just for today that is all we have.
OK rant over.......my head feels a little less prone to bursting now......cant say the same for the keyboard.
If you can spare a hug it will be warmly welcomed.
Wow, that is alot going on right now. God bless you!
You HAVE worked very hard over this last year with your detachment and you seem to be grasping it quite well. Keep on keeping on. I agree that sometime I believe that jail would be the best solution.
My A son has an interlock on his car. I have previously posted how he is now locked out of his car as it had failed 4 times....of course they were ALL mistakes on the MVA's part. Now he has to get the car towed pretty far away from home which will cost a pretty penny in itself. Then he has to pay for having it removed early and having it on for the last month. He also loses his license now for 90 days. It is just never ending drama with an A. I know this is me interfering with his life but I am insisting on having his keys in my possession as long as he is living with me. I do not trust that he would not drive it if he was drinking at home and needed to buy more. Also, when he gets his license back (if he does in 3 months) he can no longer live with me. I'm serious....if I am not strong enough to kick him out at that time then I will leave myself. I WILL not go through the worry of him drinking and driving. He has had 2 dwi's and I am sure, without recovery, he will do it again. God help him....please.
Hang in their, Ness. I will keep all of your family in my prayers.
Before alanon I thought that it did not pay to vent and therefore kept all things just to myself- all bottled up and when anyone asked how I was the anwser always was"Fine". Since finding the doors of alanon I have learned to value of "Venting"
I am so glad there is a safe place to go and talk about what is going on and know that "NO ONe will tell me what to do or give me advise. The tremendous value of just owning what is happening is so very valuable.
I am so very sorry for what is going on for your family right now and truly understand the desire to Boot son-in-law (alanon does not make saints of us after all) . Be careful, stay focused on yourself and knpw you are not alone.
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
((((((Ness))))) Lots of big hugs for you. Sometimes life just seems to throw so much in our direction at once. But I have been told (and believe) that HP never gives us more than we can handle. It sounds as though you are handling everything as well as you can right now. You & your family will be in my prayers also. Have a safe trip.
I dealt with an ex A for years and years and years who courted suicide in his driving, crashing cars, tickets, court appearances and more.
You have my sympathy. I read a biography recently of an alcoholic who was not in recovery, the carnage of disaster was incredible. For some reason in their disease they do not see it as disaster. Denial is a hard thing to break.
I was over responsible all my life. I took on everything as something I had to fix, cure and try to control. Sometimes for me life is out of control. I am still digging out from the ex A's carnage. I may never recover from it financially or otherwise.
I hope you manage to carve out some time for self care for yourself, resting and trying to relax. I found that almost impossible when I was with the ex A then gradually over time with the ability to detach I got there. I managed to be able to look at what I could and could not control. I also managed to be able to put myself in the picture too. I deserved care, I deserved rest, I deserved a reprieve. So do you.
