The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It has been so very, very long since I have posted. As we all are doing, I have been working so hard on my recovery, and can honestly say, I finally feel like I am in a pretty good place.
I can remember the woman who used to waste all her time, watching, waiting, seeking out the lies, the deceit, the opportunity to say "HA, I WAS RIGHT".
I remember the woman who thought she had the power to control another person's life and who flattered herself enough to think she could actually change another person's behavior.
I remember the woman who thought that she was somehow resposible for another person's actions and the subsequent consequences for those same actions
I remember the person who wasted all her time worrying about what another human being was doing when she couldn't see them.
I remember the woman who wasted all her time trying so hard to fix someone else instead of realizing her own problems and her own self worth and maintaining her own self respect.
I can't honestly say that I remember her fondly. She was a very vain woman. I can't honestly say that there aren't times when she threatens to possess my body like some demon, but I can honestly say that the fight to keep her down becomes less difficult every day. Her ghost is slowly being laid to rest.
The years have not always been easy or kind, but I have learned so much, and am always amazed at how much more there is to learn.....to live, and live happily, and so I shall.
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if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you
Welcome back Jeannie...it is good to hear from you again. I does sound like you have made great strides. As for the ghost of problems past I think it has taken a trip to the Big Island and tried a re-entry into another person here...The exorcism is Saturday morning. The person is bound up tight in the cellar. LOL Glad to have you back with your ESH. (((((hugs)))))
What an incredible post. I know now when something doesn't make sense I let it go that it doesn't make sense. I don't have to do an excavation.
I appreciate your time and energy to put so much in perspective. Sometimes I feel like I'm on an uphill slog and I have to remember where I've been and how far I've come.
What a great post! I so 'need' to 'see' progress and forward healing! I have great days when I'm focused on me and doing the next right thing, and then I've got days where I feel I'm only battling the old behaviors, habits, patterns, feelings, etc.
I'm grateful that the former days are more than the latter - and look forward to when the weight shifts even more.
Thank you for your sharing and welcome back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
