The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My soon to be ex "A" has been emailing me lately as this is our only form of communication at this time.
Today I had two emails in my inbox and they were nothing but bait. The "I am sorrys" and the "I wish I wasn't such a failure" and the "I wish I was the man that you want/need". On the surface it all sounds good, but I can see that worm on that hook. And today I can see that worm and it isn't tempting I don't want any part of that worm and the bad feelings that always come when I even just try to bite at it. So today I ignore it.
I responded to the questions about the kids and left all the other stuff alone. We have said everything there is to say to one another and just picking at the scab isn't going to help anyone. I want healing and to move forward with my life. I am leaving the past behind looking back won't help me.
I like my life the way it is right now and I like where I am going. I mean today my biggest worry is that I left my water bottle at home and I like that. Well not that I left my water bottle at home .
I like who I am turning into and I really didn't like the girl who took the bait all the time. She spent way too much time caring what other people thought and thought nothing of herself. Today I am serene, happy and enjoying life day by day. When I was chasing that dang worm I couldn't have any of that.
I need to remember that even though I am aware that he is hurting I CANNOT fix him. It is not my responsibility to. I am busy enough fixing me and keeping up with this life that I have been building for me.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
Oh and my avatar is my new tattoo .
-- Edited by Mandy123 on Thursday 18th of February 2010 02:03:14 PM
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I like and agree with every word of your post. Keep keeping the focus you and keep taking care of Mandy first........... If you can just remember to take your water bottle tomorrow....life will be good !!
Mandy, your post is singing to me today!! I too have finally recognized the worms for what they are and no longer feel the need to bite. my Abf was doing really well the last few days and then today I get the "I'm a failure" text and the ensuing I can't deal with the chaos, the messy apartment, disorganized files, etc. In the past I would cater to this depression but not anymore I told him to get up and do something then. Then I ignored all the other texts. I'm finally concentrating on me and I like it!
thanks for posting! Makes me remember I am not alone and I'm on the right track! Glad you are progressing and not biting anymore worms!!!
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"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
Thanks for your inspiring share. I do agree that when I started to really Keep the Focus on MYself my problems were so very manageable and the chaos disappeared. As long as I did not BITE THE WORM!!
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