PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - Al-Anon Family Group

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Ness -- thanks for sharing this. It is very insightful.

Funny, the term "passive agressive" has been rolling around in my head the past few days. And then I come here and see it in capital letters. I couldn't pass up your post. I'm so glad to have this information. It confirms and explains some things for me. Now, if only my soon-to-be exAH were interested in learning about his behaviors.

~ big sigh

Perhaps some day he will look internally. I want to see him happy. But I know I can't do it for him.

BIG THANKS! Also, a big thanks to Tricia, too. Your input was quite helpful, as well.

GailMichelle

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

Tricia said: The BIG thing for me is the inability to communicate my feelings.

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Thanks Tricia...........I really appreciate your insight......hope I havent sent you screaming to therapy!!!

All 3 people I mentioned I would say ambiguity is top of the list, followed by lack of anger. I now realise that while I thought they were laid back and non reactionary their actions or lack of them were unhealthy and 2 of them now suffer from a tremendous fear of letting go

With my Ason the communication thing had me banging my head off the wall, but it helps my recovery to know why this happened. Victimization is a big one with him also

One did let go and has 8yrs recovery in AA , the physical problem (the drinking) has gone, he still has the emotional problems but he has the tools now to apply as and when. Try getting him to do something in anyones timeline but his own.........crikey mikey.

GailMichelle.........glad you found it helpful. I know with my Ason fear rules, backed up with a good dose of stubbornness.....Like you I hope that one day they will find the courage to change.

-- Edited by Ness on Tuesday 16th of February 2010 01:09:56 PM

Emi · Member

Thank you, Ness, for sharing this very helpful link.

I just need to share that I have recently realized that I use passive aggressive behavior a lot. I'm an Adult Child who is working on recovery from living in an A home. Doing the best I can today.   And...I've had to face my dysfunctional behaviors, the list of which seems to be growing longer every day.   It's a overwhelming and very painful.   Before realizing that I use passive agressive behavior including procrastination and forgetfulness...and also, as a kid I began to act out by not doing well in school, which has far reaching ramifications even to this day.    Working my recovery revealed to me that I act out in some of the same ways as my family did, that I did not like very much. Well, I am just like them!! Imagine that!!?   I've had to take responsibility for my behavior and become more aware of what I'm doing and not doing in life that does not work. Right now? That is almost everything.

Oh, my. There it all is this morning.   Thanks for letting me share, get this off my chest.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Ness

Thanks for the link Good to see you back

I agree this behavior is present even before the alcoholism actually manifests. I found that it is good to gain as much understanding of this disease as possible. By so doing I was able to obtain that all important empathy and compassion as a response rather than anger and sadness

I must admit that growing up, I too used passive agressive behavior to interact in a world that was beyond my control. Alanon finally gave me constructive tools to interact in a mature constructive fashion

I will always be grateful to this program

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.