Experience, Strength, and Hope is the language of recovery.  It is the format initially used in AA by alcoholics to communicate that they understand what the other person is experiencing.  One thing that rings very true for those in recovery, is all of a sudden you are not alone, you are surrounded by people who understand and have been where you are.  What seems to really work when offering a hand up is this group of people sharing their experience (been where you are), Strength (here is what I've done), and Hope (it can get better).  It keeps us in the "I" language and assists us in not offering opinions or advice.  None of us are experts, all we have are our life experiences and what has worked for us.

This concept is essential to me.  It helps me relate to everyone in my life.  It enables me to hear them, then in response share my experience with that situation, what happened, and what it is like now.

Sometimes I don't have any experience with what they are going through and all I can do is listen and be supportive.  At that point I try to just ask a lot of questions.  What about option A, B, or C?

Following this ideal assists me in not forming an opinion or offering advice.  It helps guide me to not judge or think I know the answers.  It reminds me to accept the other as they are and know that I am just another imperfect human stumbling through life looking for the right path and that it is easier when we hold hands.  I don't have the map, I don't know the way, but together we can hold each other up as we fall into the pot holes.  "Oh!  I've fallen in that pot hole before and here is how I got out.  Maybe together we can figure out how to navigate around the next one."

I have by no means reached anything resembling competence in this, but it is a great place to fall back to when I find myself flailing.  It reminds me that I am powerless over others and really have my own real estate on my side of the street that I can keep clean and plant beautiful flowers.

tlc