The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On Sunday, February 6, I posted a question asking for ESH from those of you who have dealt, successfully, with infidelity by a dry alcoholic. I was very grateful for the 3 very helpful replies. There is one reply, which I wanted to read again because it was so powerful to me. Now it's gone. You know who you are...will you post again? And I'd appreciate any other replies to my original post...
I am sorry Elizabeth, that was me. I have had some issues that required deletion of my posts. I am still here and feel free to PM (private message) me and keep posting please - we are here for you.
I will go back to your original post and share again.
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I didn't see the other post either but I have read many of tlcate's posts and I'm sure it was very moving as many of hers are. good to see you here elizabeth
My ex A consistently spent more time with his friends and family than he did with me. I found it incredibly draining and upsetting. At that time I had no ability to detach.
Indeed this weekend I saw a neighbor's girlfriend sitting and pouting while he worked on the yard. That was me for years and years and years. I was absolutely completely dependent on the ex A emotionally and resented him deeply having other interests (needless to say his other interests were far more important than me!). I felt togetherness meant that being together more. He felt that he wanted me when he felt like it. Talk about trying to make the impossible work.
I don't believe alcoholics recover for a long long long time. Expecting otherwise takes away from reality.
Welcome to MIP! You have come to the right place. My esh. My Ahsober hasn't drank in over 20 years. He left the marriage 5 years ago. He has always seemed to need the adulation of other women. If you read the Getting Them Sober books I think that they will explain alot of the alcoholic thinking. We listen to what they say and not what they do. They watch what we do and not what we say. Living with a dry drunk was much more difficult than anything I ever went through when he was an active alcoholic.
Forgiving and letting go, is the hardest thing I've tried doing and have yet to master. Sometimes I still question still being here. I've been trying to get over infidelity for the past 4 years in my 5 years of young marriage with two small children. (which makes it challenging in finding a babysitter for meetings)
*** All I know is that if I stop attending meetings and being active in the program, my self-esteem goes down the drain once more and even my every day life gets affected because of it. I'm still working on rebuilding my self-esteem which I know I have no reason to lack***
Even though I know in my heart I'm not perfect and have worked step four, I don't want to excuse my loved one's cheating everytime it's done. There are boundaries. I realize there is no right or wrong answer to this....Only "One Day At Time" and "keep coming back".
