The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I love my son very much and someday I hope he will love himself also.
I cringe when I hear people giving their opinion on addicts and what should be done about them. "They (addicts) should be put into prison with the key thrown away", I would never put up with an addict", If you raise your kids right they won't use drugs", and my very favorite " I think they (addicts) should be taken out and shot, that would take care of the problem".
When occasions arise you are reminded of the separation between your world and theirs. My aunt passed away this week, I loved her very much, she saw my son grow up and loved him even though he took a bad path, he loved her too. He helped her with repairs around her house and cut grass for her, etc. He came to her wake and funeral well dressed and sober, but some of the family wouldn't speak to him or acknowledge him. It is very hurtful.
I wish I lived in my own world where I thought that drugs or alcohol would never touch us, that we are somehow above it all.
(((Dreams))) I understand........... I'm glad that your son was able to be there and pay his respects to someone he loved. As you say we hope that one day they will show that same love and respect to themselves..........
Aloha DreamsOver...I have wishes like that myself with more and various types of people absent. LOL... I want it my way!! ....and now!! Sometimes reality sucks and then I remember acceptance and gratitude and end up running around outside chasing butterflies. Yeah learning to let go doesn't mean only letting go of the alcoholics and addicts in our lives. Keep coming back...you know this works. (((((hugs)))))
Only those of very small mindedness behave as if they are somehow immune and "above." Ignoring your son was inexcusable and ignorant behavior. I am sorry that happened. (((((((((((DreamsOver)))))))))))
But I am glad to know that your dear son had the opportunity to say goodbye to his beloved aunt. And wherever she is, his aunt looked down and smiled.
Best wishes,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
((((Dreamsover)))) i am sorry that happened...Alot of people out there sitting on their self appointed throne. I never saw how judgemental I was, opinionated and the list goes on prior to recovery....I have since stepped down myself.
Not making an excuse by any means for your family and friends behavior, just perhaps an explanation......as i am sure you know unless people have lived with addiction they truly have no idea what they are talking about ....thank you for the post.
I cannot add anything really but want to offer, love, support and understanding. I am sorry for your family's loss and happy for you as well that he did show up and respectfully pay his respects.
I've not heard such hateful things about A's before - not sure how doing away with the A's would help us, we still love them and feel compassion for those who are suffering. I agree with the other posters, it is judgemental & short sided/closed minded. Perhpas they will have an enlightening expereince that will open their eyes and knock them off their pedestals.
In the mean time, detach from such hateful ideas and dont give it any energy. Focusing on negativity, only increases our pain. Take extra special care of you while you are grieving this loss and forgive them, for they know not what they do. But for the grace of God, go I (or they).
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
(((((Dreamsover))))) - so very sorry for your loss. May you and your family find peace in the passing of your aunt and joy that your son was able to be there and say his good-byes.
We meet all kinds of folks with all kinds of perceptions. Prior to the 12 Step program, I lived a large portion of my life worried about what others thought and said. I always felt if I measured up on the outside, perhaps my insides would match.
What I learned here, F2F meetings and with the 12 Steps is that happiness and serenity are inside jobs. There is nobody or nothing that can give me peace and joy - it begins with me, is an inside job and a direct result of turning it all over and trusting in God's plan for us.
I tend to pray for those who work hard to judge others. Clearly they have limited happiness and peace of mind if they are looking outside themselves for the answers. Take time for you today and enjoy all that is you. YOU deserve it!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
My elder sister who is a functional alcholic behaved deplorably when our mother died. I think what was lost for me was this fantasy that she would eventually be human. I now have no expectations. I know it is very very very hard to get there. I fought that for years and years. Having no expectations means I am no longer stuck in grief and mourning of what could be....
I really never wanted to be at that place but I find it extremely comforting.
"The best way to tell if alcoholics are lying is check to see if their lips are moving." that's my favorite.
I always get a chuckle out of it, because I'm a double winner. I remember when I sobered up no one in my family really expected or believed that I would. I guess they didn't have much faith in me. But there were a couple of people in my life who never gave up on me. those are the ones who mattered.
Yes, I had to get off my high horse myself so I know what you mean. It is ignorance and it is also fear, and in a way, denial, sorry for your loss and I am glad your son could be there for this.
There will always be people who think they will never lose their job, never get sick, never make a late payment, never bounce a check, never get fat, never grow old and on top of that their shit doesn't stink. They'll grow old and die just like the rest of us, and their shit stinks.
