I would encourage you to stop worrying about what you have already said and done- kids can be resiliant, forgiving and forgetfull (and then when they are teenagers they'll turn around and blame you for things you don't even remember doing) Then they grow out of that and by the time they are about 30 they think maybe you know something. Honestly not just a joke it's like the circle of life or something.

so maybe try to praise your son every time he does anything right anything at all. It is so good that you are identifying your stress and worry as opposed to saying you have a clumsy thoughtless child- as long as you know it's about you, you can change it.

It will be okay- turn your worries over to higher power your money worries and your worries of how you are treating your son and do the best you can moment to moment. Be easy on yourself relax and you will stress less,  can you change one thing by stressing? can you make things better by not stressing - yes I think that's the main thing most of us are trying to learn to trust higher power, really trust.

Praise your little guy for everything you can catch him doing right, observe his mistakes only as needed and love him through this please- the man I love was in your sons shoes all his life, except his mom was incapable of trying I suppose she spoke of how we "tried alanon" but it didn't work meaning that she tried it to get her husband sober somehow she missed the point- his mom is truely the most messed up person I have ever even heard of-including monsters on TV and I see the hurt in his eyes every day. He struggles with every relationship with trust he thinks he must be the best he works so much and then explodes and goes into deep depression- i'm sorry don't mean to go on too much but please just love your son, love yourself and keep coming back- your mission in all this may just be to be what your son needs - the heck with your pool he needs your love and acceptance and he's gonna need to know that none of this is his fault! Love yourself so you have something left to give him too. do what you can within reason to be really good to yourself whatever you love to do make time for, let it be okay to do a little something for yourself even if money is tight - you'll know the right balance- My daughter told me (after she was 21) "mom I wish you would have done something fun for yourself when we were growing up, didn't you know that I would love myself the way I saw you love yourself NOT only the way you loved me... well no I didn't know that but I will always think of it now.
Love to you and your baby!!!

-- Edited by glad on Thursday 11th of February 2010 03:42:42 PM

Hi, N8SMom,

Boy can I can relate to money problems and associated anger, frustration and shame that can drag you down, when things are bad. I was overwhelmed when I took over the finances and saw what had taken place while my wife was " in charge". 
What helped me enormously (after I pieced together the extent of the damage), was to sit down and put together a "game plan" for getting us back in the right direction.  My feeling of helplessness slowly disappeared and was replaced with positive thoughts.   Each small step forward helped me regain a small sense of control over my life.

-I changed the bank accounts over to my name only.
-Unnecessary bills were eliminated (land line, periodicals, etc.)
-Time sensitive bills were attacked first (property taxes, etc.)
-Other bills / payments were prioritized.  
-Letters were out to creditors, letting them know that smaller payments were coming until we were back on track.

We are slowly getting back on track.
I know the"train" will have to hit many stops before the debt is gone, but I just keep my eyes on the next station.

I payed off the Chase card, yesterday.  It carried a 29.9% APR.
I have a long way to go, but this sure felt good!

Of course, all situations are different.
-Hope this is of some use to you.

I suggest doing things for YOU that ease stress, directly - like a hard work out &/or meditating... it may sound stupid - but those things work.  I would imagine that u are mad at yourself - face this anger head on and in prayer, forgive you for what u are angry about. 

Patience, like faith - take sactive practise.  One time I heard in a meeting, someone was praying to god for patinece, over and over for many months... then it dawned on them that god was giving them something - to be patient for/about - so be careful what u ask for. 

Little kids, like animals -- feel what we are feeling - so I agree with abbyal, ur son is feeling ur anger and frustration too - only the small children and pets cannot express it.  Hence, why ur son is slamming things.  I would say, "I know ur frsutrated/angry, I am too - lests go do something to alleviate our stress now" and take him out to play or hit a pillow - that is a healthier way to get it out and you will be teaching it to him and doing it together - allowing u two to bond in this process.
    A small child doesnt understand the value of money or care about breaking things, in the way that u do - he just doesnt undrstand - but running off steam, literally, he would.

I dont have kids of my own yet - but my mom kept me plenty busy so I got my energy out - at 2y/o she had me in tumbling bc I was bouncing all over the place.

Hope this gives u an idea for maybe other things u could do together, to work off steam.