The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ex AH is stuck in Wilmington, NC with nowhere to go, can't get into any recovery houses he says. It's freezing cold and windy here today. He's at the library messaging me saying that he feels like he can't go on. I feel like an evil B!t@# because I won't drop what I'm doing and go help him out yet again. I gave him the # for the MIP recovery house and a treatment center. I think he's been clean for a while. I'm so frustrated with him and his NEVERENDING neediness and being in this position over and over and over. He has nothing and no one right now. Then he says I wish I could see you and hear your voice and all I hear is COME SAVE ME!!! and the bile rises up into my throat and it makes me sick that he constantly wants some woman to rescue him from himself. Then I think I have been thru hell, broken hearted, broke, deserted, scared, fully alone and I have survived with 3 kids on my back and it pisses me off that he can't just take care of himself and do whatever he has to do.
So I just wanted some it's ok... you're not evil...stay strong comments!!!!
How will he ever figure it out if someone is always there to pick him up? He won't. Give him the respect to fall on his butt, to live his life to the best of his ability. You are not evil. You are healthier. And sometimes it is up to the healthier person in the relationship to do the healthy thing. Doesn't mean you are evil, or that you don't love, or that you are better than him, it means you are doing what is best for you and also for him.
yes yes, I know this he just sounded so hopeless. I feel guilty sitting in my nice warm space knowing he's freezing and has nowhere to go... But I know I must be strong and fight the urge to rescue. UGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
I agree with freeagain. To me sounds like he is there making you feel bad so you will go and rescue him. Something my A tried to do when I got my apartment. Oh winter is coming im sleeping in a camper it's going to get cold (poor me, poor me- well you got yourself there!)...not my problem!
My A brother was in a similar situation and I thought this over as well as it's winter here and we have tons of snow so really cold. So before he asked I got the homeless shelter name, and address and phone number written down. I'd hate for him to go there, but letting him come here isn't going to help him any and I will just get more frustrated. but like you said before Im sure he'd help with the kids, clean and cook a little which would be sooo NICE. But then the drunk times wouldn't be worth it to me.
So you are not evil! Sounds like you are doing great!! I actually think you were pretty nice giving him MIP's phone number!
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I feel you CG, I asked my hub to leave in October. Sometime last week of the week before that I ran into him. He is broke, sort of homeless and is having a hard time finding a job because of his criminal history. He was at the end of his rope and didn't know what to do. I so wanted to resuce him, but I didn't (Yay me). My hub made his choiced that led to him being where he is. And I SHOULD NOT feel guilty for taking care of me and being happy. I listened to him and then we parted ways again. I do feel horrible and I do feel mean, but I KNOW I am not. I am for the first time ever taking care of me. I am putting me first. I am with you on the whole I am taking care of me and my 3 kids and wondering why he can't manage to take care of himself, that's what I ask myself about my hub. He apologized for some of the things he did and said he regrets loosing me, but, like you, all I heard was "save me please" and I am so done saving him. Take care of you CG....you are worth it. Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
You sound like you are getting healthier. Good for you. And you didn't leave him high and dry, you gave him numbers of where he can get help. If he chooses NOT to call, then that's him problem, not YOURS.
It's okay CG...you're not evil. Stay strong and help him reach his bottom. The manipulation is really working overtime huh? You just gotta do it his way and go save him. That's the only way. NOT!! Help him learn to reach out to others without asking you to parent him.
CG - hugs to you and you are so inspiring to place yourself and children before this disease. When my 2 are 'needy', I always remind myself that even when they had no wheels, no money, no ??? - they always managed to get alcohol, drugs or ??
Do your best to keep yourself in the moment, and let Go and let God. Prayers and Hugs for you all.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I don't think you are evil, you have to take care of yourself and you were very good, giving him numbers etc, you've done a lot, given the circumstances, them are choice he made, I don't say that vindictively so best of luck.
