The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First of all, thank you to everyone who offers ESH to me whenever I post, I take what I need and remember it when I'm going through things. I am so happy to have found this site, it keeps me grounded in between F2F meetings.
My step.... tonight my Abf told me that he loves me. He had therapy today and apparently it was a rough session but needed. They have begun to treat him for bipolar II as well and he feels bad about it. I encouraged him, told him not to be embarrassed for an illness, to take his medicine and do what was needed for successful treatment. You wouldn't blame someone for getting cancer and taking meds or even the flu...mental illnesses are no different as long as you don't ignore them and refuse treatment. It felt good to talk to him like that, normally and rationally like we used to. I felt like he really listened to me and I heard him. I was able to put my hurt and anger down for a minute and see him how I used to, and support him honestly. He told me how he wanted to work on us, that he wanted to move on and up with life. I took a deep breath, kept my hurt and anger on the floor and instead of flinging the past around and beating a dead horse I told him I truly cared for him, I want to see him succeed and move up and on in his life and therapy but that I did not know if I was the woman that he could move up and on with. I told him (calmly and with care) that I wasn't sure if I would be able to get past the hurt and lies this time, that I could try but I cannot make him any promises because I feel that would hurt the progress he is beginning to make. I told him to focus on him. He cried and I cried. I feel like we are mourning what we had but I feel so free right now. I feel like I have finally accepted the way things are, his disease and the possibility that I may want to walk away. Before I would be wracked with guilt and just promise it would work and I would be ok (when I knew I wasn't) and i would just fill with anger and resentment. I truly feel serene right now and now I can work on my courage.
Thank you to everyone. I don't know what I would do without you. You guys are my light in the dark! (((((((to all))))))))))))
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"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
(((((hugs)))) Great post and honesty! Thanks for the update (as I had just read your ealier post and the great ESH that were in the replies). Keep coming back!
I am so glad u were able to be honest and say what you mean, without saying it meanly. If we dont stand up for ourselves, no one else will ~ good for you for not compromising yourself & being hoenst - it is not easy to do. But as you said, u feel lighter and serene about it. Keep up the good work, we are glad that you are here too! Continue to, take care of you, whatver that looks like & keep working it, you're worth it!
p.s For me it was important to celebrate every teeny tiny victory or bit of growth I took - even the smallest steps, are forward aka progress.
-- Edited by kitty on Thursday 11th of February 2010 08:05:04 AM
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
