First I wanted to say Thank you to all the folks yesterday for the responses, emails to my post.....Another one bites the dust:)  For anyone to tell me that I am helping ease their pain through a difficult times means so much to mean, it lets me give back and that is what I hope to do more of....eventually.

I realized last night when speaking to one of my GF's and telling her about the break up through tears, that the tears weren't for the newest dating friend.  I felt good about that and GREAT about how I handled it.  He asked for my thoughts, told me that I was correct in all I said, and that he needed help.  I offered him some of my AlAnon insight, as I had when we dated and he was then and yesterday very grateful for my insight.......it's amazing how far a slogan or quote can go.  He is hurting and has been most of his life, I didn't want to cause him more pain,and that was why I was waiting for a "good time" to end things.  Truth is....there is never a good time for a break up.........unless it is mutual in every aspect which most aren't.  But I am happy and relieved and feel sooo much better.  I never realized how hard it is to be with someone who is sooo pessimistic when I am trying to live today optomistic.

The tears last night I cried, weren't for this man...........they were for and about the EXABF, my final qualifier.......and WOW there were many.........many.  I could find a drunk in a 100 mile radius and immediately set out to cure him. 

I had believed, until last night, that the grieving process for EXABF was done and over.  I mean hadn't I cried enough?  Hurt enough? Resented enough?  It has been almost a year.....that's long enough right?   WRONG........apparently not for me.....there is more grief there......more buried that needs cried out and worked through.  I've been dating and trying to find with every date the feelings I had with EXABF, and it just can't be.  I've been forcing myself to date because the EXABF moved on so quickly to another relationship that I felt like ours/I never meant anything to him and I'd show him....I'd replace him to-just as quick, and put my heart and free time into looking and finding his replacement.  The past 3 relationships I had, none of them were what I wanted, none offered what I desired, but I stayed for the first two because I was afraid to leave.....afraid to be alone, afraid I'd never find that feeling again that I shared with EXABF.  This last guy was the first out of the past 3 since me and the EXABF split, that I actually knew I had to leave, yet was afraid to go, but this time I was afraid I'd hurt him worse than someone already had, and I didn't want to be responsible for that-he was doing the best he could with what he had-it just wasn't enough for me, so the codie in me kicked in, and said ya know what" you can take the hurt girl and the unhappiness and stick it out a bit longer until it's a good time to hurt him"........what logic huh?

I have a date for Valentine's day which I excepted several weeks back-as there was no commitment in my past dating relationship, and I will keep the date.  It's with an old friend that I think highly of and we need some catch up time.  It'll be a perfect way to spend the day:) 

Today I am here, working my program........and still grieving over a relationship that ended almost a year ago..........and today I realize that it's ok.......there isn't a time limit to grief an I may move past it and step back again.......but eventually when it is time my HP will take it from me, remove all love and feelings from my heart for EXABF and show me the next right step.   I believe in my heart that HP never takes anything from us without replacing it with something soooo much better, I just have to trust that He will..........in His time.........and let that time up to Him.....for now it's ok to just be alone and work on me...........there's a lot of me that still needs working on obviously:)

Love and faith.....everyday
shellyj