The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to this site so I thought I would share a little about me. I was raised in an alcoholic home. Mum was quite functional, went to work during the week, got smashed on the weekends and that was the "norm". I married an alcoholic when I was 21, divorced him when I was 30. During the end of that mariage I began to attend Alanon meetings as a bargaining tool to get my ex to go to AA meetings. I spent a couple of years attending the meetings. I found a great deal of serenity and calm during that period of my life.
Today I am married to a new man. We have been together for seven years. Recently, I have wondered if he is an alcoholic. He has two beers every day. On Sunday he will drink six or seven. It is not even the amount of alcohol he consumes it is his behavior. He changes and becomes quite aggressive and argumentative on Sunday afternoons. It took me a while to even notice the pattern. Recently, I spoke to him about this and he was very protective of his drinking. That was a warning sign for me. He did however, agree to monitor his behavior more. This past Sunday he and a few of his friends went to a football party. I had just put our four year old daughter to bed when the phone rang. My Mother was visiting so she answered it. It was my husband saying that his friend got kicked out of the bar and he would like me to put him to bed. I was stunned. His friend was quite aggressive and was demanding more alcohol. I called my husband and asked him to come home and take care of this as I was concerned for my safety. He replied that he was at a football party and was not going to leave. Again, this floored me. In the middle of the night, he went into our guest room, where my Mother was sleeping stark naked! He was drunk and confused. The next day when we talked, he said sorry although he tried to justify his behavior saying it was ok to get drunk like that at a football party. So, I guess my question is, how do I really know if he has a problem? I have to say that this is not normal behavior for him. I rarely see him drunk it is more his behaviors that concern me.
I have wondered if he is an alcoholic. He has two beers every day. On Sunday he will drink six or seven. It is not even the amount of alcohol he consumes it is his behavior. He changes and becomes quite aggressive and argumentative on Sunday afternoons. It took me a while to even notice the pattern. Recently, I spoke to him about this and he was very protective of his drinking. That was a warning sign for me. He did however, agree to monitor his behavior more.
Hi Rainie Welcome to MIP I am glad that you have had prior good experiences with using the alanon program and the alanon tools.
What I learned in meetings is that if someone elses drinking is bothering me then I need to attend meetings in order to attain serenity.
The information that I extracted above did highlight to me that you are concerned about the drinking and that is all you need to know in order to seek help.
You no doubt have your old literature around, so why not take it out, check out the meetings in our area and keep coming back here to post.
MIP also has two on-line meetings daily and a 24 hour chat room
You never have to be alone.
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 9th of February 2010 07:32:56 PM
Rainie - welcome to MIP! I have always heard that there is only one who can diagnose an alcoholic - that would be 'them'...
Glad you're here! I don't have any other suggestions, but did want to welcome you!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The disease is called cunning, powerful and baffling and I got all of that from your post here.
Welcome home (((((Rainie))))). Its nice for me to think that I could some where some time with someone else break the mold. I was told that as a child of the disease I had three choices; marry one (and keep doing it over and over and over) be one and the third do both. I got both and am presently a dual member of both programs. What important about that? It clears up any denial about where I am at anyone time in relationship to the disease.
When you were going thru what you were going thru did it feel like alcoholism in best practice mode? I saw that and you and your household were being victimized by two...not one...carriers of the disease. Mum use to befunctional and then on weekends get smashed. Sound similar to your husband...somewhat controlled drinking (boy can that take a spouse down the river) and then on Super Bowl weekend not only get smashed but also sends an unattended other smashed drunk to his home for his wife to take care of. Do you feel that something has come full circle? Deja Vu all over again.
That question of do you still have your Al-Anon literature handy was greatest!! Hope fully you can pickup a newly revised meetings list also. For me there is only one explanation for what has happened. In Al-Anon we call this our relapse.
Please keep coming back. There is loving family at MIP just like in the rooms of Al-Anon. (((((hugs)))))
(((Rainie)))) Welcome to MIP. I have only been here since right after new Years - I have received a lot of peace and knowlege on these forums, I hope that it helps you too.
Keep coming back - regardless of what the "right" answer is with your husband, you can get a lot of strength here.
