The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
this post is aimed mainly at the girls amongst us (sorry boys - no disrespect intended)
when i was in therapy i was asked to read Women who love too much by Robin Norwood. Some of you have commented on several of my posts that you wish you had my strength, my hope and my determination to make something out of this awful situation - well this book is where i got it from. it is the detailed, often harrowing, account of several women who have gone through therapy for disfunctional relationships of all kinds. at the end of the book is an account by the therapist of why the women have allowed the atrocities to happen to them and how to stop them happening again in the future. it changed my life in as much as i can see things and people for what they are, not through loved up tinted glasses, and i have learnt that i cannot fix everything so it is ok to walk away from a hopeless case and spend my energies on something more worth while.
Actually, although this book is intended for the female of the species, i dont suppose it would hurt for the boys who are going through the pain and torture of dealing with an A to read it too. i would imagine you are going through the same dilemas as us girls therefore it may help you too. Even if one chapter strikes a chord with you and helps you find your way through this maze it would be worth the few quid it costs (£5.99 in england, not sure about elsewhere, maybe the library could get you a copy)
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
My best friend from high school became a psychologist. The most important thing she taught me when we talked about relationships was "When someone reveals themself to you, BELIEVE THEM!!!".
Ever hear someone say "I am a loser" and then your first inclination is to reassure them they are not and tell them all of the great things about them? I have learned not to do that. If someone says to me "I am a loser", I believe them...assume they are a loser and move on and try to keep that person at a distance as much as possible. Even if this is just bad self esteem talking, I don't want to have to deal with a person that needs that much help that they insult themself and don't try to change it and build themself up. I am not talking about rejecting them or treating them like they have the plague, but that I would never date that person or invite them to dinner.
I choose to surround myself with healthy people, who although may be struggling with personal issues, they actively reach out for help and work on improving themself, as I do.
Other things I have heard that give me the shudders is "I am really hard to live with.", "I am a slob at heart.", and "I am a really complicated person.". The last one is the worse (it often means a bad secret, like addiction).
Many times, when people say this stuff to me, I just can't help but wonder why more people don't listen and believe them. They are warning you...take the warning and RUN!
Could messages suggesting literature that's non-alanon conference be discussed in private email please? While these may be good books, they tend to confuse people who are focusing on the 12 steps with alanon principles. Just my opinion. thanks, wp
How in the heck am I gonna get to be a boy again? Gotta go back into denial I guess. I think it's too late for me to fake it till I make it. Can the older guys peek at least? LOL
Appologies or breaking any protocols here.. my intention was entirely honourable and far from detracting from the excellent work done in this forum and by Alanon i was attempting to share information that would support all the efforts being made and i was sharing an experience that has helped me cope with this disease.
am sorry if i offended anyone.
((( sending myself to the naughty corner)))))) gilly
