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Ive been to my first convention this weekend.....it was my home groups 35th
Its 6am (UK )Im exhausted, Ive had a bad night of flashbacks.........see Overcomes PTSD post below.
One of the speakers at the AA meeting was a girl of 30..........could have been my son sitting there.....same story, same horrors....she started drinking at 15........ she turned her life around within 18mths of joining AA and has 6yrs recovery to this point.
So the disease has been scratching away at my serenity for hours, have her horrors made my horrors resurface? I hadnt realised how close they still are.
The Al-Anon meetings left me feeling empty and lonely I couldnt relate to the speakers.
Anyone else out there had this reaction to their 1st convention.
((((hugs)))) Ness
-- Edited by Ness on Monday 8th of February 2010 07:53:41 AM
Hello ness , I dont know that its a bad reaction , I suspect your on overload at the moment . Hearing the young AA speaker like u said was upsetting for you and perhaps if you could turn it around to HOPE instead of dread . When I hear somthing that upsets me and takes me back to a dark time in my life , if I am not careful I can stay there but when I remember that * they * are diff now and have turned thier lives around and risen above the past it gives me HOPE If you didnt get anything from the Al-Anon meetings I suspect you were still in a form of obsession regarding the past . In a day or two u will begin to filter what u had heard on the weekend and see the silver linning . there is always a silver linning . I have been to conventions where I come home totally exausted and full of what I had heard some good some not so much = but like everything else it will pass . Louise
Hi Louise, hearing that girl speak was actually the highlight of my weekend....she was brilliant......Ill never let go of hope. I dont know why the demons have re-surfaced its a long time since Ive felt like this. I don't feel I'm obsessed with the past, but I am traumatised by it and I dont know that that will ever leave me.
Im having a quiet me day today Ive a lot to reflect on. Thanks...............Ness
((((Ness))) I have alwawys found that a convention not only enriches me with the friendship and growth, it sometimes asks m to dig deeper and resolve issues I thought I had resolved.
Since my son relapsed and passed fromthis diseaase I found I really, really had to do an intense 4 th thru 10 th Step on the painful memories that surfaced. Try writing it all down and talking to your sponser. It is continuing to help me.
You are right where there is life there is hope. I also found that when I came to alanon I had no where else to go. I could throw away these tools if I wanted but I had no other tools to use so I might as well stay and use the tools that might help.
Aloha Ness...Memories for me too and then I got the solutions back when...What were they? I most if not always had set myself up before the convention. The obsession, depression, angst, sadness, whatever were packed in my baggage before I left home and I took that baggage with me. I couldn't relate to the speakers because I couldn't relate to anything other than what was in my baggage. I happens and for some it happens alot. I had to cling to a lesson that was given to me in Al-Anon that before coming into a meeting, conference etc...leave my problems at the door or trash them in the trash can before coming into the rooms. Picture it. If I wanted to really I could reach back into the trash and pick them up on my way out... Not a good picture and I have done it a time or two. I get addicted to feeling bad on many levels and its best just to feel bad and leave me in my funk. When my bottom becomes unbearable enough, I reach up and the first hand I feel is my HP's and the next one is Al-Anon or AA.
(((((Hugs))))) to ya Ness! I have no experience with conventions but wanted to toss a hug to you.
May your day be great!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I learned that experiences like yours were likened to peeling back the layers of an onion. Each time a new and deeper layer is exposed, there could be raw feelings, vulnerabilities, exposure but that there is healing too.
I hope this helps. I loved the analogy and can relate to the those vulnerable, raw, exposures.
In recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I have been to conventions where I come home totally exausted and full of what I had heard some good some not so much = but like everything else it will pass . Louise
I dont know why the demons have re-surfaced its a long time since Ive felt like this. I don't feel I'm obsessed with the past, but I am traumatised by it and I dont know that that will ever leave me. 