The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've heard it said that if we stay in the alcoholic situation long enough, we become as sick as the alcoholic. I have found that to be true. What is disturbing to me is that I seem to be experiencing PTSD symptoms some 6 months after the divorce. Mind you this is not my first divorce from an alcoholic. I have had a long and accumulative effect on my psyche from numerous alcohlics. I think that this maybe what is happening to me.
I had been on some antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication while I was married to my last alcoholic. I mistakenly thought that since the alcoholic was out of my life that all was well and I could go off of them. This has proved not to be true. I had a very severe panic attack last night and had to go to the ER to deal with it. They gave me some med's to get through the weekend and made me promise to call a counselor to get help this week.
I guess why I'm sharing this experience is to emphasize to myself (and possibly others) the cummultive effect that living with an alcoholic can have on us as al-anon's. I thought I was SO strong. I thought I was the rock. The fortress. In fact, sometimes I actually thought I was God (what an absurdity). I thought I had all the answers.
Now I know that I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to help my mom who has alzheimer's, I often don't know what to say to my 12 year old daughter who feels like she doesn't have a dad. I'm not even entirely sure what has happened to all my friends (besides the al-anon ones) that have deserted me because of the alcoholic.
I have been told that I have secondary Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from having watched someone who is bi-polar and has PTSD from his alcoholic dad sexually abusing him as a child, run his head into things, run at me and our daughter hitting him self in the head, running his car into trees and numerous other things to self-harm.
I made a decision to get out of that relationship 6 years ago. Things that went on in that relationship are still effecting me to this day. I just wanted to share this, because I think many of us put our alcoholic first and don't think that the trauma and consequences that effect us and our loved ones can continue to plaque us for years to come.
In my opinion, we have to put ourselves first. We can love and give support to the alcoholic best by loving and caring for ourselves. If we do not take care of ourselves who will? And in turn, who will take care of our children?
Thanks for listening.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Thanks for sharing your experience of the "aftermath". I can relate. After 9/11, I had a lot of behaviors that stayed with me for some time. I was in NYC on the day and could not return home to NJ for several days after. I was not near the collapse of the towers, but saw people coming up towards where I was. I was very frightened. For months after I kept getting flashbacks, seeing their faces, feeling my stomach tie in knots, obsessively checking the radio on different stations, doing a bang up job of profiling little old ladies at airports, scared to go into crowded places etc. I don't know if it was PTSD but I was definitely traumatized.
Today I have flashbacks of bad things I saw happening to my AH. I feel very sad, and I ache inside. I hope with help of HP and some choices I make about cultivating good stuff in my head, I can get a little better each day.
Aloha OC...I related in Dry Drunk Infidelity regarding the effect on alcoholism on others. PTSD...for sure. Take care of yourself. Meds as necessary and program as often as you can. ((((hugs))))
Hi Overcome.............I can relate to the ptsd thing........Im sitting here at 6am (Im in the UK) having had a troubled night with flashbacks and this fills me full of resentment at what this disease does to us........... uninvited. Feeling angry and feel like throwing all the tools out the box.......maybe thats a good thing cos Ill have to pick them up again one by one to tidy my house!!
I def suffered PTSD when I left my exAH -- it is like a mini movie plays and u cant stop it, plus u feel like ur in a trance, during it. It can be disconcerting. I also appear to have had a selective memory growing up -- blocking out some of the more negative experiences. I think this is how your mind deals with trauma - the PTSD is your mind trying to process what has happened. I know at first when it was happening, I got scared & stressed about it but if you can relax while its happening - realize that your mind is simply processing, attempting to understand -breathe- and validate -yes, this happened, it is past, I'm ok right now -- I am sure that relaxing into it helped me. If you are upset, stressed (resisting) a thing - it makes it so much worse/more difficult. The same thing happened to me when I was doing massive, in-depth forgiveness work for over a year -- the memories I submerged were bubbling up - for my mind to process and for me to forgive myself & free myself from. It is most imporant that you work out your feelings associated with what you are seeing in your PTSD -- I think that is why I was having them - I hadnt dealt with it before hand. When I did, it went away. But what do I know - I did this stuff on my own, sans professional help -- this is my expereince - take what u like & leave the rest.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I am so glad you managed to take care of yourself. I know I am over three years out of the last relationship and just now being able to put the pieces back together again. The ex A destroyed so much in his last binges.
Huge hugs (((((Overcome))))). I'm grateful for you that you knew what to do and were able to get help.
When I first engaged with the 12 Steps, I had what I would refer to as perpetual panic attacks. They would, at times fest up into full-blown anxiety attacks. I had no choice but to work with a sponsor and with a counselor to get through that which was driving it.
You're doing all the right things, so keep the focus on you so you can heal. I still at times have flashbacks and addictive dreams (dream of using or dream on my A's using). These dreams are not a normal dream where you awake and know it was a dream - these are so real, I have to stop and think what day it is and what did I do last night/yesterday/an hour ago.
We're here for you! Thank you so much for sharing.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
