The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I posted about this a year ago or so but I have found it very interesting to ponder -- in our English language we use expressions like, 'you are giving me a head ache' , 'you are making me feel this or that' or 'you are making me crazy'. It is like we are victims by this language. Our personal power is given to others. So, last year I began speaking more affirmative to myself - so I could gain more control/power over my own experiences.
Instead of saying, 'you are doing something to me' - I say, "I am feeling like this" just a statement - not worded in reactionary language. "This sitaution is allowing me to feel this way" - so I can truly own my emotions and perceptions. Then, like everything else, when u hae the light of awareness on a thing - u start seeing, hearing it everywhere. It really began to make me laugh -- haha - see I did it again - it allowed me to laugh often.
It stunned me when I had this thought bc it seemed so clear, that our language itself can victimize us and I didnt want that experience anymore. For me this has been facinating food for thought and I've learend a lot since Ive been speaking about my feelings in a more self empowering way. Perhaps this has also taught me how to detach emotionally from others more effectively.
What do you guys think?
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I'm in complete agreement. I didn't discover this on my own. I'd read several books that addressed it. Then I began to realize it more and more.
Yes, no one makes us feel ___________________ (you feel in the blank). Its "our" interpretation of whatever was said or done that makes us feel the way we do. It's so great to know that I have a choice.
I think a famous First Lady once said that no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
It truth for me and quite empowering!
Great, positive post! Thanks!
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
The juxtaposition of syntax to insure the proper AlAnon meaning has not been a subject to which I have given study. What is important to me is to express myself in the way in which I believe. And I believe HE/A is the cause of the despair that appears now and then in my life.
Do I feel inferior or victimized? Of course not. I "jess calls 'em the way I sees 'em."
Best wishes,
Diva
-- Edited by Diva on Sunday 7th of February 2010 11:57:00 AM
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Great discussion and for me, and my surroundings - I statements are a must - or I will continue to look outside myself for the solution.
If and when I can focus on me, and my actions/reactions to a situation, I am better able to focus on the next right thing.
My life might be different if those around me were/are different. That's a true statement, but just not my reality. Owning my role in this environment and all environments I encounter better help me get unstuck and go forward.
It's too easy for me to think myself into blaming others. Those I statements and ownership of my feelings and actions truly helps me to better understand the serenity prayer.
Thanks kitty - great discussion.... (((((hugs)))))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
how does that make you feel? I had a sponsor used to say that to me a lot. so how does that make you feel? I suppose he might have said so how do you feel about that? I wonder if it would have made a difference. guess I'll never know. nice post though. always good to hear things that "make" me think.
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If you want something you never had before, then do something you never did before.
Thinking that another person was the source of my unhappiness, anger, anxiety, anger or what ever negative feeling I was having and that I was victim to it or them with no way out was not a good feeling for me. That I chose to affirm that made me feel even worse. I have never liked feeling or thinking that I was trapped so the new idea that I was responsible for my own condition gave me hope that I could change it. All I had to do was sit down, listen, learn, practice and keep coming back. That is the only thing that worked for me. I could not "think" my way into new behaviors. I had to behave my way into new thinking...just as they were talking about and practicing in program and having remarkable results with.
I was oppositional/defiant. I didn't listen and wouldn't practice anything that came from outside of me. I stayed with what I knew...what wasn't and didn't work. It was because it didn't work that I was qualified to become a member of Al-Anon and then AA. I could hang on to all of the non-working stuff as long as I wanted until I didn't want to anymore. I was a very slow, defensive, fearful learner. I had no faith and relied only upon my own thinking which had no solutions.
What made me sick then still makes me sick now and that is how I respond to the situations in my life that results in me being sick. I can change it by following the suggestions. If I clutch at my EGO and Pride...I clutch at the problem in spite of myself. I have arrived that the solution isn't within me and I am comfortable with pain. God was I so sick.
This is a very very good thread. Mahalo for bringing it up...Kitty. (((((hugs)))))
As we rephrase what we say and think to positive thoughts, we create and send positive vibrations. As we practice intentions in a positive light, we create positive attitudes and vibrations. As we meditate, we gain wisdom and strengthen our intuition, through which we better discern what is aligned with our path, and what is not. We more quickly recognize when we have allowed ourselves to stray off of the way, and we gently redirect our course, without any undue shame, blame, or guilt about it.
Just by changing our focus and practicing a few positive disciplines every day, we get better in every way. Love, David
I fully agree with this too. Another person can only be the cause of our pain and misery as long as we allow them to be. It all comes down to us and our choice to tolerate or not tolerate the behavior. Nobody can do anything to me unless I let them and the same goes with my feelings. Someone may hurt me and I can walk away, I can say hey, that hurt and I don't want to feel that again so I choose not to be around you or deal with you anymore because I know you are a hurtful person. Of course there is no way to completely avoid pain but we must know that we have a choice in how we deal with it and whether we continue to allow it in our lives.
