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I am sort of relapsing I guess. I have this Step Sister.Her personality type as I see it is of convinces. When I am in town everything is great, everyone is family.When I leave town, the phone calls stop and its like the visit never happened.I always feel a bit burnt after leaving.This situation only recently dawned on me of how the impact of the pain and determent has caused me. She is four years older and came to live with my family when she was 16 and left a year later.It turned out my mother and my sister didnt along.Since the day she left I have spent my entire life trying to gain her approval or fighting her to be in charge. There has never been a peaceful moment.
To add to the story I stop talking to her father my stepfather nearly a year ago over my wedding.
So here comes my current problem:
My younger brother (half brother), whom I grew up, was recently befriended by our older sister on Facebook (his half, my step).My brother has had a similar situation of treatment from her as well. My brother doesn't have many friends on Facebook. I think 10 or so, so it is apparent that she saw me.She hasnt befriended me and I think I am in a rage for that. Of course I have befriended her either, it is a two way street.I am not sure if I really want to open that door. Her older sister also befriended my brother (his half my step), and I think maybe I am feeling the double whammy.I feel like I tried so hard and yes I hear my ACOA and Codependency coming through.I am just fuming, because I see my step sisters making conversation with my brother
So here I sit and wonder, do I make amends and explain to my sister on what and how I feel about them or do I let it go.I am proud of myself for not rushing forward and befriending her.I am actually taking the time think this one through.I dont want to be myself out there just to have her not care, because honestly I think that is where it will go
Thanks I needed to vent
ARSK
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Still looking for that famous quote! Important thing is I am Here!
I'm not sure I have much ESH to offer on this, and I'm so out of touch with the whole Facebook thing. I'm sure there is etiquette that flys completely over my head so I stay away.
Maybe it would help to think about whether you want to try to re-establish a relationship with your step-sister or not? If Facebook didn't exist, and you had not known of her choices to befriend another in your family, would you be thinking about this?
Rocky, That is a good question. Everytime one of my family members would get a call from her it was always a pretty big deal. I guess what makes this painful is she hasn't contacted me, but has my brother... Which does make me think about the second question in your post. I don't know if I want a relationship with her. I guess I get to choose on this. In the past I felt like the dog that got scraps from the dinner table when she called. It is surrounding the self esteem issues right now. In one regard I'd like to establish something positive with her, but I am really hesitant in trying. I am afraid of being burned again. Thanks for asking those questions. And crazy enough Facebook does have etiquette. I wondered about that same thing myself when I first tried it.
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Still looking for that famous quote! Important thing is I am Here!
ARSK - your post made me so grateful that I opted out of the FaceBook thing. I have a huge 'family' and then an even bigger 'extended family' and am quite certain I'd have situations like yours.
I don't view facebook a whole lot different than my RL. In RL, I've got friends and family that I feel absolutely 100% comfy around. These are the folks who love me unconditionally and accept me with all my faults and weaknesses. This is my closest circle, and fewest in quantity. However, the best of quality.
I then have a middle circle and these are those folks that I enjoy being around, and spend time with when it feels right. These are family, friends, acquaintences and while the relationship is more superficial, it must be fun/comfortable for me or it's just not happening. This is a huge number of folks, above average quality.
Lastly, I've got an outer circle and these are folks that I 'must' be around, but am truly guarded with. This group is truly very small as I've matured over the years. Same content - some family and some acquaintences. There are folks that used to be 'here' that have moved upward in my circle. But this circle is reserved for those who I must be around, but who do absolutely 'nothing for me'. I mean this spiritually vs. physically.
When there's an event going on, and I'm feeling left out or pressured to join in, I often have to stop and think about it. What's the feeling, and why is it here? What's my motive for this situation and do I have a hidden agenda?
If I can get an answer from my HP that helps me understand why I feel, so often I then understand my next best steps. Just because they're our relatives does not mean I have to like them/'hang' with them. (((((Hugs))))) to you as you process.
It may sound mean or selfish, but there are relatives in my family that I just have to set tall boundaries with - even walls. Might that change in time? Maybe and then again maybe not. As I mature, I see things different. As I grow, I see things different.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am sort of relapsing I guess. I have this Step Sister.