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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> the party is over
Post Info TOPIC: the party is over
miss lucy


Senior Member

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Posts: 108
Date:
the party is over
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hi all.

not sure how i am feeling at the moment.  some relief, some sadness i guess! 

its been a bad day of sorts but one that i have been expecting since i left AH 1 month ago today.

we have been spending quite a bit of time together recently and i really thought he was changing for the better.   today AH killed all thoughts i might have had of a reconcilliation and i have come to realise that he will always hold me back, always be
insanely jealous, and always his answer to his problems will be drink.  its all he knows, and all he can think of as a solution to his problems. 

since leaving i have secured the finance to start up my own business in the summer,
secured the finance to undergo the training qualification course i need to take,
i have also just been informed that a tribunal i was expecting to attend for constructive dismissal has been settled out of court, and that i no longer need a bowel operation as the lumps they removed at the back of last year were not cancerous.  hooray for that!!!  well done me!!

instead of AH being pleased he demanded half of my settlement when i get it because
he needs a new car, grumbled because i was on the laptop researching suppliers for my business when he needed my attention for something trivial, went into a sulk because i had company when he visited earlier, and complained that i spend more time training my dog than i do with him.

my detatchment skills were tested to the max let me tell you.  i wanted to rant and shout and throw him out of my home but instead i remembered some wise councel my
grandmother had given me many years ago from the book of Proverbs:-

proverbs 15.1  a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.

proverbs 21.23 he who guards himself from his mouth and his tongue avoids calamity.

so i said nothing and politely asked him to leave as i had further things to do.
AH eventually left after much protesting, jumped in his car and presumably went to the pub. 

its a sad realisation that despite all his promises he cannot get out of this spiral of destruction and for my own sanity and health i now have no choice but to get out
of the whirlwind that surrounds him before i am sucked forever into its vortex.
i wish him no harm and should he be able to pull himself round i will still be wearing his wedding ring and be there for him.  in the meantime i have to put my life in order and make something of the ever shortening years i have left on this earth.

i wish to share the poem i wrote this afternoon after the realisation had hit home.  i shall be leaving tomorrow to spend some time with my daughter, time out to gather my thoughts and allow myself to move forwards.  take care of yourselves.  will sign in to catch up when i get back.  (((((((hugs))))))



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Sweet Stanley


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 604
Date:
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Loved your poem, it made me cry. I truly understand. Good luck to you!

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Sweet Stanley
ARSK


Member

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Posts: 20
Date:
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Your poem was pretty and good for you for putting your puzzle pieces together to make something for you!!

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Still looking for that famous quote! Important thing is I am Here!
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Have a good time out GS...don't take it with you.   "Dance" was a cryptic word my
alcoholic used to go "Drink".    Tata   ((((hugs)))) smile

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abbyal


~*Service Worker*~

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good for you and your business , protect that money put it somewhere safe or it will be gone . this is for you and your future , his needs are his problem not yours .  Yeah for the clean bill of health . that must have been a worry for you.
this is truly a selfish disease his needs always come first according to them of course . 

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I came- I came to-I came to be
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
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MissLucy - I truly enjoyed your poem!  Very nice, and very moving.  Full of reality and hope - kudos to you for the write.

I congratulate you on your clean bill of health as well as your business plans.  Very exciting stuff and thank you for sharing.  When any of you share those 'forward' decisions, it just gives me such incredible hope - hard to describe, but so moving and appreciated.

I sure hope you have a marvelous visit/trip.  You deserve it!  (((((Hugs)))))..

We'll leave the porch lite on for ya - biggrinbiggrin!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Suzi1965


Veteran Member

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Posts: 40
Date:
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I loved the poem, ty, and I so relate to alot of what you said. Im so glad you are moving ahead and taking care of you! Your es&h means so much.

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Learning to Transform it not Transmit it!

maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 4578
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The ex A claimed  I cared more about the dogs than I did  him.  When I was  with him I had few boundaries.  Now I have them they don't  come in overnight.

Maresie.

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maresie
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