The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My friend is in AA and recovery and has been unemployed since 2/09. He is in school which ends in two weeks. However he is divorced and pays a hefty part of his unemployment to his ex-wife. He has been alternating between living with his parents and living with a girlfriend who is not a good friend in recovery. She too is in AA but relapses and her relapses affect his. Problem is he can barely afford rent to get a place of his own. His parents home is miles away from his school and work. Does anyone know of any ideas and options for him? any financial support available for housing? Even most roommate situations in our area are around $400.00 a month! Which is alot. I really want to get him out of the living situation with this woman. What can you recommend. He can't move in with me because we used to date and that just wouldn't be healthy for either of us and my recovery in Alanon.
Any ideas woudl be appreciated. I am looking on craigslist - school rental boards etc.
Simplest suggestion from me would be let him get support from his AA sponsor and fellow group members as that is where he will find more men and women who have been in his situation and have solutions. AA works!! let it. (((((hugs)))))
I have this issue with a friend of mine who is homeless. I really would like him to get out of his van. He talks about it but does not do the footwork.
I'm not sure what your relationship with is with this "friend" but he has to want to get out of his issues. He can in theory go back and get his child support reduced as he does not have much money. Generally they leave someone enough to eat on.
I know I was always Ms. Over involvement. At some point I have to let go. I no longer "do for others" what they could do for themselves. Of course I have a hard time doing it but it is so so much better for me to be boundaried rather than trying to control anyone else except myself.
I think it's really very nice of you to try and help your friend in AA, and it's also great that you're in AlAnon. My ESH is that our enabling behavior can often "leak" into other relationships aside from the relationship with our qualifier. My behaviors of doing more for my AH than I should tend to spill over to doing more for my son that I should, more for my friends than I should etc....
HP willing, my son and friends are not addicts, but I can imagine if they were, I would be very dangerous to them. Setting up conditions to enable their addiction.
Many on this site have recommended the Al Anon pamphlet on detachment to me - I highly recommend it.
I am in Al anon and my partner has been in AA for 10 months he had a slip in Nov. I too find it hard not to get involved in his problems. My sponsor says tracy mind your own business. She also says if you want a man to be a man think him so. My partner has not job, money and lives with his mum who enables him still. I today do not. I am seeing his self esteem raise by the day. His problems are also making him want to fix his own life. If we held our childs hand continuosly as they tried to learn to wlk and did not allow them to fall they would never walk alone. I too find it hard to let him live his own life, solve own problems I want to help, fix BUT THAT IS MY ADDICTION. Today I am trying to fix this because this is what sent me insane not my partners drinking.
