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I am new to this forum and am new to Al-Anon so please help me find a way to work through this initial sharing. My daughter is my "A" and has been been living with us for the last 4 years on and off between rehab and sober living....she has been home for the last 3 months and finds every opportunity to drink....she has blacked out driving her car and got an extreme dui with .43 level, been hospitalized 3 times since 12/26 and tells me she just wants to die....I have taken her car keys away and any access to money....."(I thought) just to try and get her alive to her court date but yesterday she had someone deliver alcohol to the house while we were out and paid them with Christmas gift cards....She is just 24 and I can't just let it happen......I try to give it to the lord and pray, pray, pray but have not found any peace and I am scared. She has also been diagnosed bipolor and will not take her meds. I just do not know what to do anymore..where to turn .......what is bottom??? I know I can't control it or cure it......but I also know I can't live with it and she has no where to go.
Hi KRS........... welcome. I am the mother of an Ason. Your daughter has a disease and you already realise you didnt cause it, you cant control it and you cant cure it. What you can do is get help for you and youve taken the 1st step in posting here. We are all here for the same reason.....our lives are affected by anothers addiction and in coming here we share our Experience, Strength and Hope (ESH)
Al-anon face to face meetings will give you enormous support and please dont be afraid of taking that step if you have meetings in your vicinity, the warmth and understanding in those rooms is wonderful. I know for me theyve brought me back to sanity.
Others will be along soon to welcome you Im sure.....youre not alone.
Hello and welcome , I am so sorry you have to watch this in your home . As you have figured out there is nothing u can do about her drinking , as long as we continue to rescue they will never hit thier bottom , Pray that the court will insist she go to treatment perhaps this time she will hear something that will give her hope . An alcoholic will do adn say anything to get what they need this is a very selfish disease and it dosent care who gets hurt . I hope u are going to lots of meetings , u will meet people who have been where your at and will share thier own experiences with you . Until we stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves nothing will change . except it will get worse , she has a roof over her head and a warm bed to sleep in , food to eat she really has every thing she needs with out doing anything to earn it . In our literature it says everything must fail ,when they know we will not support them anymore , believe thier lies or lie for them only then will the alcoholic be forced to take a look at what they are doing with thier lives . If you dont have already- pick up a detachment pamphlet at the meetings it says it all what to do what not do do- that little one piece of literature changed my life . The alcoholic in my life is my husb and I know its much easier to detach from a husband than a child and I thank God that I have not had to experience the pain your going thru at this time . ( Louise ) I always forgot that those I loved had a Higher Power too and would take them where they needed to go and hopefully bring them back .
Hello KRS and welcome to MIP. I too am sorry you are dealing with this. I am also dealing with an ASon; he's only 17. He's been to 4 rehabs and numerous counselors and the disease is (for now) winning.
I have spent a long, long while trying to 'keep him alive' until.... the date/event just kept moving on me, and now he will turn 18 in less than 2 months.
He's been in the hospital for one OD and currently is fighting an infection resulting from needle use. However, each and every day, he spends his energy trying to work the system, around the rules and the law to use.
This disease is so very powerful, and I've heard here and in meetings that the only person who can diagnose is the person themselves. He also has been diagnosed with mental health issues, refused the meds, and we are currently phasing them out - so if there are issues, withdrawals, etc. they can be managed before he's out of our home and without insurance.
I struggle each and every day with taking care of me so that I can be of value to my family, friends and home. I have neglected me by entrenching with this disease and have driven myself crazy.
Know that you are not alone and we are all here. F2F meetings have been an awesome relief for me - the fellowship and ESH are beyond anything I could have expected.
(((((Hugs to you!)))))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Aloha KRS...(((((hugs))))) welcome to cyberfamily. Glad you've found MIP. A point 43 is deep stuff and you may be watching late stage alcoholism. There is always hope. We learn that in program. If not hope for our own alcoholic family member or friend for someone elses. I've witnessed some very awesome miracles in both programs and there is no reason why one isn't for you and it might be just for you. I pray your daughter can remove the hooks the disease has in her and set herself free. If she has reached toxic shock/overdose and is back at it she my not have enough fear and concern to run for help rather than having others drag her to it.
I am a member of both programs and often go to AA meetings with the names of others who are in the grip of alcoholism, dead or alive, in my head and heart. I you care to...leave her name with me either here on the board or by PM. If you leave it here I can almost bet a great number of this MIP family will do the same. We will take her name to our HP and ask for a favor. We can do that. I will.
Welcome to MIP. I don't have much to add to what others have said, but did want to say how sorry I am that you and your daughter are going through this. It must be so difficult to see her in the grip of the disease.
You will receive a lot of support here and also in face to face meetings, please keep coming back.
