The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At last I have a reliable way to access and post to this forum. Maybe HP was telling me to take time out and focus on me?
Many of you know that hubby passed away a few weeks ago. We are still in the middle of the grieving "process". At first the idea of a process scared me - does that mean there's going to be a lot going on? Now I'm just going with it.
My son and I are both sad but ok, then one or other of us gets whacked in the head with extraordinary pain. Tonght it was our son when he heard a song. Yesterday it was me when someone asked if I'm lonely. I'm not lonely, but I miss him terribly.
I've been struggling a bit with only remembering the bad stuff. Hubby's bad stuff and my bad stuff. I know that the stuff neither of us are proud of is born of the disease. I have completely forgiven him the effects of the disease on his behaviors. He had completely forgiven my craziness in codependence, yet I learned that I haven't forgiven myself. It leads to me feeling guilty. Thank HP I found Al Anon and learned some tools to help me deal better with the disease, but it wasn't always the case. I'm asking HP to help me remember the lessons learned, but also to forgive myself.
Prayers goin up for you and son Rocky..... be gentle with yourself. We all grieve in different ways, no right ot wrong way to do that. Sorry that you have to go through this.
Rocky - continued prayers for you and your son and your healing. A big (((((Hug))))) for both of you today.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((((Rocky)))))...Dig for the good stuff girl...if you need another shovel let me know I'll help. Its the good stuff you find that will balance the picture and let you celebrate inbetween greiving. I had to learn how to find and celebrate the good that was in the relationship with the alcoholic and there was good. I did miss her and when I did I needed to laugh at times rather than just get angry and sad and resentful. What ever you find...dust it off and polish it up and then put it in a place you will always be able to find and go to. You're growing good...let a sponsor and your groups help fertilize the process. (((((hugs)))))
I know those feelings. Your emotions are still so raw at this time. So are your sons. I know it sounds cliche but this takes time. A year & half later I can smile and say you'll come through it. Yes I still have bad days. Yes I still find myself beating myself up for what I didn't or didn't do for Tim. But those days are far and few between. Once in a while the nightmares or bad memories come back. But you'll learn to refocus and shake those moments off. Be gentle on yourself.
Remember the good times. Tim always told me that whenever it snowed he was sending hugs & kisses to Pipers & me. He said that long before he passed. It's those little things that helped me in the worst of times. Look into your son's eyes and see the happiness your husband brought. Look what the two of you created. That's a pretty amazing young man you have. I miss my Tim everyday. I still kiss his picture and say Good Morning and I kiss it everynight and tell him Good night. Much love and blessings to you and your son.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I did not have any kind of resolution with the ex A before I left him. I do believe the process of leaving is as hard as dying. The ex A did so much to destroy himself and me and our pets.
I too work on forgiving myself daily in order to move on. Some days I do better than others but I do process. I know my insight on that relationship is in a much deeper place than it ever was before.
