The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was listening to another person sharing their recovery and perspective and they commented on the practice of loving with detachment which caused me to be hooked on the realization that I had always heard and had come to learn and practice detachment with love. Detachment with love was the third and final step the previous steps were detachment with anger and then detachment with dis-interest and then finally detachment with love. I have no negative experiences with learning detach ment that way however the real struggle and work was with learning how to love and what the real (for me) definition of love was that I could grab on to. I didn't know about it or how to act it out in my life so it came with effort and risk.
The twist here is that loving is natural and has existed as a part of the sharers personality and character first. They come from love into detachment and I had to come to love from detachment. Doesn't seem like such a big deal Jerry F...and then for me it was. I don't have as much time and experience with love as this person has. It has not been so natural for me or innate. The definition for love that I use and practice today came from another Al-Anon member. I had to learn it, understand it and practice it while coming to trust it also.
I heard another member in this evening's meeting talk about loving, how she does it and her personification of it. Even my mind held it's breath.
Love first...love always and then detach as necessary. Grateful (((((hugs)))))
The twist here is that loving is natural and has existed as a part of the sharers personality and character first. They come from love into detachment and I had to come to love from detachment. Doesn't seem like such a big deal Jerry F...and then for me it was. I don't have as much time and experience with love as this person has. It has not been so natural for me or innate. The definition for love that I use and practice today came from another Al-Anon member. I had to learn it, understand it and practice it while coming to trust it also.
I heard another member in this evening's meeting talk about loving, how she does it and her personification of it. Even my mind held it's breath.
Love first...love always and then detach as necessary. Grateful (((((hugs)))))
Thank You Jerry for a beautiful and thoughtful explanation of HOW this program works. In Keeping an Open Mind about the ideas and thoughts shared at meetings I too have sat in awe and admiration at the ideas.
It is in the practicing of the new ideas that I have grown into the kind of person I always thought I was!!!
Jerry, once again you've given me some words of wisdom. Detaching has been hard for me. It seems the only way I've been able to detach so far is with anger and or disinterest. I'm workig on how to detach, but with love. Thanks for the inspiration.
I have not yet got to the place of detaching with love to the ex A. I hope someday to get there. I always believed I loved him, now I am not so sure it was a healthy kind of love.
Thank you too Jerry - made me stop and go - hummm......
OK - I have a kind of funny one to ask/share about detaching.
If I am working hard to not react, keep my mouth quiet and do things a bit differently ----- am I still detaching if I walk around the corner and fly my middle finger at the other party?
I have to admit, in total honesty, that I have been doing this for years with my AH and just recently started with my ASon. It's a bit of a rush and a release!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
LOL Iamhere...God is that a funny and as I almost wet my pants laughing I have to agree that it was part of the process for me. I just didn't "arrive" at detachment I had to approach it and sometimes claw my way to it as the elders were holding up the lights over the path. I think the "age, IQ or number of legal parents indicator" was during my detach with anger period. God is that funny!!
When detachment became a part of my character; the what I do and what I am then HP considered me ready for the next step..."with love".
You must have been rummaging around in my head this morning while I was going to my morning meeting because the "finger" thought passed thru my mind. Not that I had an inclination or such but that my mind started to free associate and start to script an anger play. It does that when I let go of what I think and let it run on its own. One of the flash scenes was about the "fickle finger of fate" LOL. The reality is that is has been soooo long since that was one of my reactions.
While you were messing around in my mind did you find what you were looking for and did you put away my Grinch socks? I can find them anywhere.
with love, in support and keep coming back often. (((((hugs)))))
