The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Got a text from the A yesterday that he needed to ask me for a favor. For him, that is usually the same thing- money. So, I just ignored it. He called last night and I didn't answer. This morning he kept sending texts.."hello??" So I responded with good morning. He then texted " I want to go out this weekend with new friends. Bowling Friday and Golf Saturday or Sunday. I refuse to resort to my old ways of robbing car washes. I beg you." I could not believe it. At first I was so hurt and angry that I wanted to text back such anger and you don't know what. Instead I sent him one that said " Wow. I love you and pray you all the best." He responded with Thanks. I guess that's your polite way of saying you can't help. I'll figure something else out. Call me later. Needless to say, I haven't called. Of course I questioned what kind of program he is working in rehab. I question if he is using. I question what friends he is going with. I question what he thinks of me that he considers me to be an ATM even though Friday is MY birthday and I am raising his child with no support, etc. But, for now, I am just leaving it in God's hands and going on with my life. Feedback appreciated. :)
Well as you see the selfishness doesnt stop with sobriety but he is only doing what has worked for him in the past soooooooooo. Good boundary keep it up your gonna be fine .
Co - I had to laugh when I read that because it was "logic" I was familiar with. Good for you maintaining your boundary and not responding to the texts! It is amazing how hard it is to ignore those d-amm texts!!
Codependent - very, very nicely done! Congrats. to you and and my hopes for a great day as your 'pre-birthday'.
(((((Hugs)))))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have heard that this discomfort that we feel when we finally say NO and follow through on a boundary to protect ourselves (taking care of ourselves- an insanely foreign concept) -- can be termed afterburn. I remember all the times my A asked me for things and my obligation to him - to "helping" and meeting his needs was so automatic. I ALWAYS thought if he needed me and turned to me for things, then I would still be in his life - that was some false sense of security I had derived, that was also insanely dysfunctional.
Good for you for saying NO. I know the morass of thoughts and obsessions that arise out of it all. But somewhere, after we say YES to ourselves and NO to them, we feel a bit freer and it feels GOOD to protect ourselves in such a way that we choose not to be responsible for someone else. I love the: "I refuse to resort to my old ways of robbing." I've had such comments like this - the bait and often I'd take it, but alot of times I'd identify it for what it was, a manipulation tactic. WAY TO GO FOR SAYING YES TO YOU!!!
