The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is the first time I've ever done anything like this.. and it feels a little awkward.
My father is an alcoholic. He always has been but in the last two years things have gotten out of control. We were on the verge of losing everything and moved to GA to get a fresh start. Well, things aren't working out here and nothing has changed except where we live. We're going to move back home... but the problem is, we don't want my father coming with us.
He has gotten extremely abusive when he's drunk and when he's not he has seizures from withdrawal. We're at the point where we can't deal with it anymore. We would like to move on and get our lives back in order... but we're not sure what to do. He doesn't have a job or money and there is no one willing to take him in. We have called every family memeber he has to see if they'll take him in but no one will have him.
So what should we do? Just kick him out and leave him homeless? I can't bear the thought of doing that. We only have four weeks until we move back and my mom refuses to take him with us. We are so confused.. Any advice anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
hi, glad you found us. We don't give advice but we offer our experience.
My husband is my A. I completely relate to you. He is not living here as he started to get abusive again.
I did not give it a thought where he would go. He is a big boy and needs to figure it out. Of course I felt as you. But after alanon and reading the book,"Getting Them Sober" I realized the best thing for him is to lose everything and get miserable enought to get well.
I have no control over that. But when I allow him to live off me and abuse me, it sure does not help him.
I am so sad for you and your family. This is so hard. You are so brave to come here. I know it is hard to understand, but the best thing we can do for them is to allow them the dignity to make their own decisions. Even if that means they are homeless. Maybe he will realize he has to take care of himself as no one else is willing to anymore.
My love to you all including your father, keep coming back. love,debilyn
I too am glad that you found MIP!! There are many loving supportive people who care and understand like no one else can.
The sad thing about this disease is that no matter how much we feel we need to help we can not. Sure we can enable the alcoholic but that does no good as is just helps the disease along and becomes more harmful to ourselves. Alcoholics have to hit their bottom before they find their way up and can search for help. All I can do is be supportive and let him know that there is help and understanding people who are willing to help and share their experiences.
Like sweet Debilyn mentioned we do not give advice but offer support and can encourage your decisions. We share our experiences, strenght and hope which does help others and it also helps us.
One of the best things that I ever did for my self was come to this board, go to meetings and meet people from AA. It has helpped me to have a better understanding and it keeps me grounded.
Wanted to welcome you. I know how hard it must be to see your father like this. My father still drinks. My husband used to drink too. It hurts, to say the very least.
Alanon teaches us we didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure alcoholism. And that it is our job to take care of ourselves with the help of our hp. It teaches us how to detach with love and to separate the person from the disease. Our loved ones have their own hp.
The only advice we give is to suggest going to an alanon meeting where you will find great support and people who are either in your shoes or have lived with it. And still living with it. It is a program for you and the steps can be applied to any of the problems we face.
I have had to sit back and let go of my resentments towards my father. He brought beer into my home. And he can be so negative. Well, I needed to remember to separate the person from the disease and pray to God to help me let go of my resentments. My father did not chose to have the disease of alcoholism and the disease of depression, for that matter. It is difficult to be around him while he is in that negative mode. But I can detach.
See, I am one who has been in alanon for 5 years and I still have things to learn.
I hope your father gets the help he needs and I hope you give alanon a try. I wish you all the best.
I understand and relate to what you are going through somewhat. It is my husband who is the a and sometimes I am ready to throw him out the door. He does work so that isn't as much of a concern but I am concerned of what he would do.
This program has taught me that it is my job to take care of me. No matter what I do my a will do what he wants. I have finally come to the point in my life that I know if things get bad enough I can and will throw him out the door. It sounds like you are already taking steps to help yourself and your father is in charge of taking steps to help himself. I am sure he is aware you are leaving in 4 weeks and if he doesn't make arrangements for himself and get a job it will still be up to him to take care of him. I know it is unpleasant to think that you may be leaving him in such a bad state. But remember that you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Maybe this will be the bottom your dad needs but that can't change the need for you and your family to get yourselfs to a place where you can live in serenity and let his higher power take care of him.
Good Luck and keep coming back, it may feel as though you aren't getting the answers you need but if you keep coming back and hearing peoples experiences and sharing more you will find that you can start to come to peace with what ever decisions you make.
