The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Six months ago I had a check stolen and to date I still have not had it replaced. I have no idea who took the check but have an idea it was someone with an active addiciton who took an opportunity and ran with it. Someday I may know I don't hold out for that information anymore. I do know its been months of phone calls, emails and more phone calls and I don't seem to get very far.
What I'm aware of is that this is a microcosm of what I used to deal with. My days with the ex A were one long chasm of chaos, fines, car crashes, disappearances, lies, distortions, dealing with his drugged out friends who moved in, camped in the driveway, ate everything in sight and lambasted me. He was ill (of course his illnesses mattered more than anyone I had), compulsive, obsessive, lying through his teeth, stealing whatever he could, making up more lies, tantruming, manipulating, creating havoc and more.
I lived with that day and night for years, at the end it was one long nightmare with court appearances, lies more lies and then even more lies. Every single thing was a lie, I remonstrated with him to be given even more lies and distortions and demands.
So when I am aware of all I went through with him I have to say dealing with one lost check seems pretty easy but it isn't. Today I have limits and I"m aware that there are certain people I want to keep a wide berth from. I'm also aware that on some levels I am really really spent after so many years of chaos, financial ruin and catastrophe. I could never make my way out of any of it. One crisis met another one and they multipled. And then guess what his constant refrain to every one he could get a moment with was that I was the one who had all the problems and I was the sole source of all his misery. Of course when I left him his misery continued and he had many many more people to blame. He always had something, some incidence, some place to blame.
I'm three years out and I absolutely cannot believe I lived through that nightmare. On one level I am very very clear that I will not even thing or negotiate that kind of miasma of crises pain and catstrophe again, on another I wonder somedays if I will ever get over it or get a grasp on what it cost me to entertain caring for him at all.
The lies are still something I have difficulty with. Without honesty, a relationship doesn't have much of a foundation. It seems like such a simple concept, such a simple thing for two people to share...
I am so happy that you have gotten out of that madness. Sounds like you are having a difficult time letting the anger go, though. Life is better spent looking at the road ahead and not the rear view mirror. Do something good for yourself and enjoy "the now".
-- Edited by Charlie on Monday 25th of January 2010 10:21:58 PM
I hear you and understand. When I reflect ,as you are doing on what we who have lived with the problem ofalcoholism go thru on a daily basis I too wonder how I survived. Of coarse y answer is witht he tools of alanon and my HP
You have lived thru a very difficult time and are moiving slowly into creating a new life. I know that I can not/ will not handle the chaos or madness ever again. I too look at diffficulities differently now. Things tht once upset me or caused frustration no longer bother me . We are all doing fine moving slowly to a new a more positive life ODAT.
What did living with alcoholism cost: Finanically a great deal I cannot ever recover from that Emotionally I guess I would say it cost me my old tools like denial and pretend and gossip, criticizing and self hatred and self abandonment. It was worth it
Hi Maresie....I often wonder whats been happening about your chq......sorry its not yet resolved.
I am one year almost to date of working my way out of the insanity, and will NEVER, EVER abandon myself to the madness and pain of it again. Its often said at meetings Im glad I have an A in my life as it brought me to Al-anon....well I havent worked my head around that one yet.....but do know I'll keep working it......posts like this keep me plugging on......thanks for sharing
((((((Ness)))))
-- Edited by Ness on Tuesday 26th of January 2010 07:22:32 AM
Thanks for the post and for sharing. As I sit here in the chaos and try to work on changing me - your post was what I needed to see/hear. May your life continue on your new journey and may mine take a different turn soon.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
i think my anger and frustration is that I am "just" dealing with this check issue along with alcoholic neighbors (who are totally self absorbed, arrogant and also liars). This is a pin drop to what I once did yet I find it very very hard going.
