Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

lost it last night

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Pineapple))))

Oh my Pineapple I hear you. It is very hard and we are human. Be very gentle with yourself just as you were gentle when you found AHubby asleep in the attic.

It is progress not perferction and you are doing fine.

Please remember to Keep it Simple and live it ODAT.

I am glad you will replace the phone today and hope you can get that stove fixed soon biggrin

-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 25th of January 2010 12:58:59 PM

-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 25th of January 2010 01:00:38 PM

Carol_Lynn · Veteran Member

progress not perfection is correct!

and I understand our humanness---getting angry and yelling.

And feeling bad afterward.

yes.

I do.

Keep coming back!

Carol

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

Pineapple,
You have every right to your feelings and emotions. I'd be at the end of my rope too.

But now you have found out that it really doesn't do any good. Life is still exactly where it was before...only now you are also kicking yourself in the butt. Forgive yourself. Reality is that he can't stop once he gets started.

Protect your stuff too. Get another cell phone for yourself so that you don't lose all the contacts when stupid stuff happens to him....and you know it is a matter of time before it happens again.

It is what it is....

Mary

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((((((((Pineapple))))))))))))))))

1st: A Little Trick some one taught me about those WET Phones, If you stick them in a Bowl/Container of Dry Rice, it pulls out the water, and may even save the phone, my Good Friend tried it, and worked for hers, So Hope that helps

Also Like Hotrod mentioned, we ALL Back SLide, that is why we are ALL still here :o) and yes, be gentle on your self... it is good that you take that time to calm yourself, I know for me in the beginning that was VERY Important, because that was something I didn't do well before Al-Anon... I was a "Reactor" as well... Still have my moments, but with the tools of this program, I know that I have come a LONG WAY...

So understand the Stove being the straw that was broken, I know when I allow things to Get to me, long enuogh, it takes but a Small deal to thro me right into the insanity... Mine is usually "Road Rage"...lol... My Son I think stays home most of the time just so he doesn't have to be subjected to it :o) ... Yet another "Addiction" I am tring to over come...

You hang in there, and if you have a F2F meeting in your Area, I would popin at times like this, I know for me, it truly helps me get back on track to be around people that "Get" why I am so Crazy most of the time :O)... This Program is a True Blessing, as are you... So Please Keep Coming back...It Works If You Work It....

You are Human, and Make Mistakes... You Admitted your Shortcoming, so now Just for Today, leave it were it lay's.. In the past...& Look to your Today :O)

PS... Yes, Great Work in the Attic... I'm sure it took strength to just cover him and walk away... Good Job... :o)

Please Take what you like and leave the rest....
Friends In Recovery
Hugs & Prayers

Jozie

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Pineapple - first (((((hugs))))) for you - thank you for your honesty. I needed to hear that it's OK to slip and the anger is real we feel.

Also, I've done a variety of things with various cell phones over the years (toilets, cups of coffee, washing machine, etc.) and another tip for you - open it all up and take apart the parts. Pat dry them just a bit, and then lay them over a furnace vent (if winter and no sun). If you've got sun shine, you can also quick dry them on the dash board of a car. I wouldn't do this if it were 90+, but has worked for me in a variety of seasons with the sun out.

The key is getting all parts dry before trying to power on. I hope this helps!

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks everyone for the support. I just came from the online meeting and am feeling much better. On top of everything else our internet connection has been really SLOW to NONE for the last two days. I'm in town right now to get a new phone but decided to hit an internet cafe first to attend the meeting and stop in here for a few minutes. Oh, jozie and Iamhere, thanks for the phone advice. I did take it apart and dry all the pieces as best I could last night. When I get home I will put them in the sun to dry more. Im still getting a new one today but if the old phone dries out AH can have it. I'm hanging on to the new one. Thanks again. Don't know how I managed before finding this place.

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Pineapple)))

Well, I've never thrown a frying pan into the yard, but I sure wish I had. I can't count the times I wanted to throw the remote through the T.V. I know it would not have done one bit of good, but it would have releived the stress that had built up inside me. I can remember many crazy things this disease made me do. I'll never forget cutting my index finger wide open digging through our kitchen garbage container at 11:30 p.m. after my AW had gone to bed. Why was I digging in our garbage at that time of night? Oh, I was counting empty beer cans, that way I would know exactly how many beers she had drank that day.

So, Pineapple please don't beat yourself up anymore, this disease make us all do crazy things that under normal cirsumstances would never enter our mind. Even when working the program to the best of our ability sometimes the disease throws more at us than we can take. We lose control, throw a frying pan or T.V. remote, scream and swear at our A, and the next day we are looking in the mirror asking ourselves who in their right mind would do what we had done the day before? The simple answer to that question is: Anyone who lives with an active alcoholic.

Today you can start over again. Take care of "you" today. Get some rest. Work in your garden. Do whatever makes "you" happy. Control the things you can. Today will be a better day. You deserve it. I hope HP has only good things in store for you.

HUGS,
RLC

-- Edited by RLC on Monday 25th of January 2010 12:14:03 PM

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

easy girl , give yourself a break your human and like it says in our literature it truly is too much for most of us to handle . You can apologize for the way u spoke to your husb but not necessarily for what u have said . but there is a pretty good chance he won't remember what was said anyway as u describe his drinking he appears to be at cronic stage black outs are common at this stage , but it willstill make u feel better to apologize for the hollering and screaming you described . From your post I think hubby ought to be grateful he wasnt sitting on the patio when u threw the pan out the door . or drowned in the pond . I know this is hard to watch ,get the focus back on you , he's gotta go where he has to go . will pray he finds his way to sobriety . We have a saying here( say what u mean mean what u say , but don't be mean when u say it ). When he is reasonably sober speak to him about how u feel , you have a right to tell him how u feel ... and then let it go , don't have any expectations that it will change anything , its just important that u speak up . Louise

-- Edited by abbyal on Monday 25th of January 2010 01:23:54 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Pineapple))))) Aloha...great suggestion? don't be so hard on yourself.   You're
up against the most cunning, powerful and baffling disease known to us and you are
new to MIP without Al-Anon meetings close by. Give yourself a break. If you've got
your literature already take a thoughtful gander at the words of step two. Came to
believe that a power greater than ourself could lead us to sanity.   You ain't the Higher
Power therefore the flying frying pan and the insanity. All humans I've met can only
carry so much weight at anyone time and we learn in program not to increase the
weight. Understanding instead of guilt and blame. You're up against it just like we
are and it's already been said the best we can do is progress...not perfection. Lots
of us have more tools than you do right now and we got that over time...progress.
Be gentle with Pineapple work the first three steps. Sorry you aren't getting your
wishes fulfilled and your needs too. That's normal for alcoholism. You can get him
sober and sober or drunk he isn't fully responsible for meeting all of your needs.
Give that statement a Grrrrr if you like and its reality.   Were standing with you and
none of us can go out into the yard and fetch the pan or sober up your alcoholic in
however deep of water or crap that he gets himself into.   He is getting closer and
closer to being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Allow him to feel the pain all
of it which might cause him to scream out for a power greater than himself (who isn't
named pineapple).

Cyber hugs is all this brother in recovery can offer you and the drunk...that and
prayers.

(((((hugs))))) smile

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Crazy situations can cause crazy behavior. You are not a saint. We all do this from time to time. I know personally it takes great great great practice to detach all the time.

Maresie.

shellyj123 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((pineapple))))
Thank you so much for an honest, heart felt share. I'm sure the stress of it all took a toll on you and I pray you are doing well.

We have all exhibited crazy behavior at one point or another-I'm probally at the top of that list..........My EXAH went out one night and never came home or CALLED. So the next day when he came in the house I unplugged the phone and pitched it outside on the concrete while screaming to the top of my lungs "IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE IT-THEN WE DON'T @#@##@ING NEED IT!!" Well the phone didn't break when I threw it and WOW did that tick me off-so I went back into the house, got the HAMMER, went back outside and mashed it to pieces while STILL yelling, phone buttons flying all over over the place, gathered them up and took the pieces inside and threw them down the hall towards the bedroom where EXAH slept it off... The ex came home, and after I threw the phone-went to bed..........Who looked like the crazy one to the neighbors???Who was the crazy one????? ME!LOL...

I can smile about it now but I was sooooooooooo insane at the time........and soooo angry.....

None of us are perfect.........we ALL backslide and it's ok.

love and peace
shelly

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Pineapple.

My esh is saying he is not on a program of recovery. To just not drink for a few days is that saying, a fruitcake is still a fruitcake even if you take out the nuts.

Addiction is a bunch of symptoms. Using drugs is only one of them. On a program they basically have a map of how to get healthier. It is so much more than just not drinking.

I don't know where that word slip came from. I have not seen any such thing. Relapse is relapse.

Recovery is like a birthday. A new start on a new life. Working HARD to change so many of the diseases symptoms.

Whether he uses or not, when we choose to live with them, how can we blame them for acting out the disease they have?

For me this is when Al Anon for ME comes in. What he does is none of my business. I don't have to be embarrassed by it, kept woke up by it, or anything. It's his problem.

Again if I choose to live with him, then how can I complain about how the disease manifests itself?

We do not control each other.

my thoughts, Debilyn who hopes he did not land on any fish in the pond!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene