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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Need help
Post Info TOPIC: Need help
powerlessmom


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Need help
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My daughter, Christina was diagnosed with Bipolar/borderline personality at age 11 and she is now 25. She struggles with depression, alcohol abuse (binge drinking) and an eating disorder.

Currently, she is on medication and her eating disorder is now under control but that is when alcohol is the issue, when she is not drinking then the eating disorder is a problem. She has been in an out of psyciatric hospital since age 11 and rehab since age 18.

I have a best friend, Rose that has been there for me through thick and thin, my daughter did not have many friends because of her condition. However, Rose's daughters has remained friends with Christina and her brother since early childhood. As they grew into adults alcohol has been an issue because Christina becomes violent and unpredictable ONLY when she DRINKS, otherwise she is an absolute pleasure to be around. She is intelligent, bright and funny.

The dilemma: Rose's daughter is getting married this Saturday and Christina was asked to be a bridesmaid....We all thought long and hard because we were all worried "what kind of place will Christina be in"? Struggling with the eating disorder (she dosent' drink, but gains weight) or When she binge drinking, she is underweight.

Things appeared to be going great, eating disorder under control and she has been staying away from alcohol at the same time. Great, right? Then comes the batchelorette party...she swears she is not going to drink and it should be easy because there were girls attending that were not drinking either and besides they were going to a place to sing Karaoke and the focus was on singing and dancing, not drinking.

By 10 pm that evening, my husband and I were called: Christina was wasted, making a scene and becoming violent, by the time we got there she was so out of control the police were called and she was taken to the hospital in handcuffs.
The next day as usual, she has no memory, is embarresed and is not going to be in the wedding because she does not want to show her face. The bride obviously is angry and is not sure she even wants Christina anywhere near the wedding.

I expressed to Rose and her daughters the day of the party that it was NOT a good idea to put Christina in this environment, she has been out of rehab since December and maybe Christina could just attend the dinner but not the club afterwards. They have seen her several times socially and thought she would be fine, my gut was telling me otherwise.

Rose and I are terribly upset and for the first time we are not sure what to do, we both know Christina is fine when she is sober but are scard to take the chance. Now this means, My son who was escorting his sister down the alise will either walk alone or not be in the wedding at all. 

The question: Should we gamble and have her attend, set limits? or not be there at all and possibly have the regret of her abscence? Sorry for the long post, I am working today and cannot attend a meeting but this is tearing me up inside.



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hotrod


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powerlessmom wrote:

The next day as usual, she has no memory, is embarresed and is not going to be in the wedding because she does not want to show her face. The bride obviously is angry and is not sure she even wants Christina anywhere near the wedding.

 


Hi Powerlessmom

Your name does  say it all!!! Your daughter is 25 years old  and has expressed her desire to not attend the wedding.  

We truly are powerless over alcohol, people ,places and things. I think you should consider your daughters  and the brides desire and go with that decision

Take what you like and leave the rest

 



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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Debilyn


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My first thought was, well what does Christina want? Read your post over, she already expressed she does not want to show her face.

My question is so what is making you and your friend discuss something that has been decided by your 25 year old daughter?

This will be the girls very precious  wedding. I feel one should not have anything to be stressed over during this time. How will she feel if she is concerned Christina will ruin it like she ruined the b party?

I am so sad you daughter is so sick! I don't understand why  her being out of rehab since December has to do with anything. She has relapsed.

Her lables are very serious health issues I feel so bad for you all.

I adopted a teen who had bpd. What a difficult girl to deal with.

Set limits as to what? Follow her to the bathroom, constantly watch her? Believe me is she is going to use, she will. They are very sneaky. They do things we don't even think about.

I always thought my A was drinking mountain dew, in reality he added his vodka to that. Thought he was drinking oj, same thing. He is the one who told me if an A is going to use, no one can stop them, and no one knows the tricks they have.

Again, to me the issue is, the bride, mom, you etc deserve to have a stress free, precious time. No matter what, if Christina is there, it won't be. The focus is the bride and groom correct?

These are only my thoughts, not telling you what to do.

I feel so sad for your family including Christina. Thankful you have such a wonderful friend too! love,debilyn hey if you want to, tell us how the wedding went.

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powerlessmom


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Thank-You....I knew in my mind, I needed to leave it alone but my heart is broken as a Mother. I guess that is why feed back is a good thing because our children can always pull on our heartstrings no matter what their age. I get so twisted up when she is doing so well and BAM! I guess that is why there is Al anon. Thanks again.
I will post on Sunday after the wedding. I am blessed to have this friend in my life and I would never let her down. My husband and I have been best friends with this family for 25 years.

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